defining individualism.

Morning after.

2011-11-18T21:52:00.003+08:00

Last night, I almost did something stupid because of some stupid reasons I have no plans to share publicly. I hate myself for letting such stupid thought cross my mind. It was very un-Marice, and in a million years, I never expected that I would really consider doing it. Never. But when you are lonely, too lonely and you feel like your heart cannot handle the pain anymore, unexpected things happen. You will have that strong feeling of wanting to escape.

It was the lowest point of my existence.

: Make you feel my love - Adele

2011-11-17T21:49:00.000+08:00

You make me want to be 22 forever.

Inexplicable emptiness

2011-10-28T21:41:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up, very uninspired and empty. I tried to recall all the happy thoughts that usually cheer me up every morning but I failed. I couldn't remember any. I have never felt so empty in my entire life.

An inexplicable emptiness. How are you supposed to make yourself feel better if you don’t even know the cause of it?

: All we ever wanted was everything - MGMT

Here comes a feeling I thought I'd forgotten

2011-10-13T21:25:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have been really sad. It's really pathetic, tiring and annoying. It's something that haunted me, something that I can never run away from even if I tell myself to run. The emotional stress I underwent took a toll on me and it wasn't really pretty.

But for the past two days, I have been really happy. It was a refreshing feeling, something that I wish I could feel every single day. I never got tired of giggling the whole day. It was amazing.

: This Orient - Foals

Sighs. All sighs.

2011-10-05T20:37:00.003+08:00

I have written two blog posts about what's currently happening in my life right now but I ended up deleting them. I felt like they were too personal that when people read it they will get worried for me. I hate it when people worry about me. I feel like I am making them miserable and giving them bad vibes. I don't want that to happen.

I also freak out and feel sad for myself every time I write a very honest post for my blog. I have so much to say, there's so much going on, but I don't think anyone will be interested to listen anyway.

: In the cold - The Drums

(fake)

2011-10-04T19:53:00.003+08:00

It's really stupid when you consider yourself normal, believe that you are normal but then realize that everything you tell yourself is bullshit.

You say there's nothing wrong with you and you're perfectly fine and happy but when you're alone, you cry.

You binge when you're sad and you know that it's bad but you do it anyway. After a while you feel sick and full and guilty so you purge.

You know that there are so many reasons for you to be happy and grateful but at the back of your mind, you just want to run away or just end everything. It's a scary feeling, and you try to find a way to make it go away but it's hard, so hard.

: I wanna die - Adam Green

Gossip Girl Season 4 Finale: Full of inconsistencies

2011-09-25T19:21:00.001+08:00

I honestly never thought that Gossip Girl will last for four seasons, considering that its plot has been very inconsistent. It is very disappointing that is why it took me a very long time to finish this whole season.

This post is a commentary/review of the season and the finale just like what I always do for every season.

Exciting and interesting are definitely not the adjectives I would use to describe this season. So far, it is the most inconsistent season of the show. The characters' storylines became more and more confusing and tangled. The role of Gossip Girl in this show also does not make sense anymore.

The characters are also supposed to be in college but this storyline has not given the screen time it deserves. Most of the time I forget they're still students.

Inconsistencies can also be observed on the characterization of the main cast, especially with Serena and Blair's friendship. When Serena tried to sabotage Blair by sending Gossip Girl blasts to Louis' mother, I was really annoyed because that is something Serena would not do. First of all, blows like that are not the usual thing Serena would go for. Second, Serena is not the revengeful type unlike Blair so I don't think she could do it to her bestfriend, even if the one involved is Dan.

I also hated the part of Blair's relapse, that she easily let Chuck get into her pants without any hesitation. After everything that had happened, after everything that had been said and done, she still comes back to Chuck. I would understand the emotional attachment of Blair to Chuck, but I never understood why she would even consider him someone worth her trust after he almost hit her.

I used to love the two of them together. I actually considered myself as a huge Chuck and Blair fan. Their early days reminded me of some personal moments in my life. But then their relationship became destructive and abusive and I was over it.

However, their 'letting go' scene in the finale made me cry like a baby. It was nicely done, the lines, how Ed Westwick delivered it, the Whole moment.

I think it was the right thing for Chuck to do. I think the best thing that could happen is for them to sort out things and not force things to happen. It was noble for Chuck to let her go and to ask her to move on.

I also loved the part where Dan said goodbye to Blair. It was a simple gesture but it was oozing with cuteness. Dan and Blair are the reason why I watched the whole fourth season. Their storyline was subtlety built since season 1, and the way that it unfolds just now is making me really excited. The tension, the banters, the chemistry between the two of them are simply irresistible.

As of season 5, I am not expecting anything anymore. I have been tired of expecting on this show. It had failed me several times and my interest is hanging by a thread. I secretly wish that this will be this show's last season. I'm too scared that if they go any further with this kind of storyline, my favorite show will end, with its head not held up high.

Run - Vampire Weekend

Some kind of note

2011-09-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

Most of the time I get too embarrassed when I share my personal sadness with people. I feel like I'm sending them bad vibes and I'm ashamed that I'm ruining their happy day. I don't consider myself as the sulking type, because honestly I don't feel sad often but when I do, it's in an overwhelming manner.

However, there are times when I feel like I need to talk to someone to vent out. Keeping everything to yourself is hard (and that I know very well). I have too much on my plate and I don't know if I could handle them anymore.

Later this month I am going to face a very important thing in my life and I feel really anxious about it. It's a huge deal to me and I want it so bad, I'm so scared to fuck it up. It stresses me out so bad and I have very weird anxiety levels so it's a struggle every single day. I have been clinging on all the while to my sole source of happiness (a different, inexplicable kind) and just when I needed it the most, it fucks everything up.

Yes, I was really hurt, and I can't even describe the amount of pain I have been feeling. I don't think no one can fully understand how I value this. I have been caring so much and would give everything that I have for it but at the end of the day, I realized that I'm living a pathetic life.

It's just sad.

: Only ones who know - Arctic Monkeys

Too sad to even think of a title

2011-09-09T21:55:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life. I talked to my friends, laughed with them, learned from them, and got a tweet from Ezra. I felt really happy and contented, and it was a feeling I haven’t felt for so long. For the past few weeks I have been extremely lonely and yesterday, I felt so refreshed.

But today, loneliness seeps in again and I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Life fucks everything up when you are at your happiest. I hate this feeling. I hate having this pathetic life.

: I wanna die - Adam Green

So many reasons to giggle

2011-09-08T20:47:00.001+08:00

I have been giggling since this morning because of Ezra's tweet about a gynecological chair.
I sent him a tweet asking him to tell me if he had already purchased the chair and if he is open for appointments.
Amber, Karen and I were giggling about it and there were some ~inappropriate~ tweets exchanged. Good times.
I also learned about a lot of things from Liz. I can't disclose what was it about but it was something I can use in the future.
Then there was the brilliant D.I.A.C. that made me and Janice all giggly. The acronyms we came up with are still making me giggle.
Then before going to sleep, Janice and I were tweeted by Ezra. I accidentally told him I love him (I swear I didn't notice it at first!). It was so embarrassing because it's my first time to tell a guy my 'real feelings'! It was a dumb tweet but really funny. Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Life is good!

: Diplomat's Son - Vampire Weekend

06:30

2011-09-06T20:25:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning from the sound of the raindrops on my window sill and the gushing of the wind. It was a rainy morning and my whole room was too cold.

With eyes half closed, I took a peek of my clock and it said 6:30am. I was supposed to be out of bed but it felt like my body was glued to my matress. I tilted my head back to the side and I saw you, on my bed, laughing.

Your laughter echoed the whole room. I think you were laughing because of the way how our legs were tangled with each other. You looked at me smiling, all scruffy but still dreamy. I reached out and touched your face. Your stubble felt good against my skin and I faintly smiled back at you.

I rested my cold hand on your chest. The fact that you were wearing your band's shirt made me smile. You look good in gray, do you know that? With my other hand, I reached for your hair and brushed it with my fingers.

You held my hand that was resting on your chest. Yours was warm and it felt good against my cold, cold skin. I was happy, overjoyed. Lately, I have been feeling extremely lonely and this was a refreshing feeling. I closed my eyes to savour every bit of happiness I have in my heart.

When I opened my eyes, you were already gone.

: Asleep on a Sunbeam - Belle and Sebastian

What a way to start September

2011-09-01T19:29:00.004+08:00

There is so much going on in my life right now and I feel like it's too much for me to handle.

My anxiety level is in all time high. I've been palpitating and crying since yesterday. I'm sad. I'm extremely sad. This was brought upon by a mistake I made yesterday. I should have not done it. I knew that I was going to get hurt, but I still gave it a go. I didn't know I will be this hurt though.

My world crumbled, and I tell you, I don't crumble easily when it comes to those things. My only source of happiness fucked me up. You know what they say, the thing that makes you the happiest is the thing that can make you the loneliest.

This then triggered lots of pent up emotions, I think. I have been too anxious about something (I have always blogged about how scared I am about this 'thing' that is coming up in my life, remember?) but now it has multiplied a billionfold. I feel like I'm going to die.

I'm really tired of feeling like this. I can't even calm myself down. I wish I had the guts to tell someone what's going on in my life without being vague.

: There goes the fear - Doves

Untitled

2011-08-29T22:05:00.001+08:00

everything about

is make believe

except

for my love for

you.

I just heard the angels sing

2011-08-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

I'll just let the gifs speak for themselves. Yeah, thank me later.

Too too too anxious

2011-08-13T22:00:00.001+08:00

Something major is coming up this month and I feel too anxious about it. I want it so bad that I don't want to fuck up. I'm shitscared.

: Too too too fast - Ra Ra Riot

Let me tell you a story about a boy

2011-08-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

First of all, I never thought that this day will come, the day that I could bravely publish this story without crying or feeling really terrible. Maybe five years was enough time for me to heal and to feel better.

So let me tell you a story about a boy that I really liked. I used the term 'like' because I don't know if I really loved him (just like what my friends said). Love is such a strong word and feeling and I don't know if I have already been in love. A friend told me that when you're in love, you'll just know. So since I am not sure with what I felt, I guess I couldn't call it love?

We started as enemies. I hated him so much because he always contradicts what I say. He hates everything that I like and loves everything that I hate. We spent hours arguing over something stupid and shallow, but to be honest I enjoyed every single moment of it.

We had undeniable chemistry. It's something that everyone noticed, except for the two of us, I think. You can never fake chemistry because if it won't work, it just won't. But what we had was special. If we were celebrities, we could make millions of cash by doing cutesy movies. We had what it takes.

Everything changed when we realized that everyone was speculating that something's going on between the two of us. It was weird and it didn't feel right, especially when we were caught off-guard by all of this. We felt conscious so we had to avoid each other. This made us grow apart.

The turning point (and the reason why I started to hate him) was when he gave me an ultimatum. That was the moment I realized that he was such an asshole and he didn't deserve my time and attention. It was heartbreaking. He gave me a deadline to tell him what I felt for him. He wanted me to make the first move because he said, albeit indirectly, that he never does the first move. Girls run after him. Girls beg for his love and attention. Girls submit themselves to him and all he does is to approve. It was a make it or break it situation. When I got mad at him and totally ignored his deadline, we ended up not talking to each other for a year and he then hooked up with some chick.

I thought it was over, the thing between the two of us. But then a couple of years after, we found ourselves communicating with each other again. I remember him walking me to the shuttle station after he bought me some stuff because I won against him in a little bet we had. We were cool and we were friends again.

A few weeks after, I heard the news that he broke up with his girlfriend, the same girl who he hooked up with because I ignored his deadline. It was shocking, I must say, since I know that the girl gave her everything to make the relationship work. I used to hate her so much but I think she just did what every other girl who is in love would do---stick to her man.

Days after the news broke out, he sent me a message asking me what are my plans for my birthday. I told him I don't have any plans, and I would pretty much spend the whole day at home like always. He told me that we should hangout the day before my birthday so we could have a little pre-birthday bash. He wanted to take me to a spa then we'll have dinner and then he's going to buy me a birthday gift. At first I thought it was funny because I have never thought of going to a spa with a guy friend. But then I thought, why not try it anyway?

So we were kind of set for the pre-birthday celebration when he cancelled on me few days before. He said that something important had come up and he really just needs to attend to it. Of course I said 'okay'. Of course I understood. I haven't asked my mom for a permission too so it's cool.

But then comes out the truth---he cancelled on me because he just got a new girlfriend few days after we have planned everything and few days before the bash. I honestly felt stupid when he cancelled on me. He should have told me the truth, I still would understand it anyway. But no. He didn't. Maybe this is also because of the fact that even if we're close, we never talked about each other's relationships and love life. It was a topic we never talked about. I don't know why.

It was also the second time he cancelled and lied to me because of his girlfriend. The first one is when he told me that he couldn't make it to this pre-planned thing we agreed on because he had to attend a family affair. As usual I said 'okay' but then I found out from other people that he couldn't make it because he had to make up to his girlfriend.

Until now, I still don't know why he lied. Maybe because he didn't want me to know he has a girlfriend? Is it because he had always treated me as one of his reserve troops and when shit happens he could just go to me since 'I'm always there'?

I have never talked about this boy publicly and I haven't thought about him for a long time too. It actually freaked me out when I dreamt about him. I just... I don't want to do anything with him anymore.

: Love is a Laserquest - Arctic Monkeys

Ode to E.

2011-08-01T21:42:00.001+08:00

Oh it's lush

and beautiful

The way it creeps itself up

Your shirt

is lovely.

It makes me want to trace

Every inch

Do not flinch

As I nip.

II.

I am a fallen prey

To the

Giddy delirium

To explore you

with my fingers

To taste you

until it lingers

And to let

my lips

Burn a moist, patient trail

From

Your

Collarbone

Your

Sternum.

III.

Driving southward

Damp

Warm

skin

Fleshing the ribs

hips

thighs

on fire

And

Between our tongues

our skin

our chests

Layer of salt

Dive across my ribs.

IV.

Shudder of delight

Deeper thrust

can never be possibly

Get close

enough.

yes

Yes

yes yes

Yes

Bliss

is the

Tormenting appetite

that

Coils

in my

Womb.

VI.

You always said

You are about

The

destination.

We both arrived.

Puking out rainbows and crying out glitters

2011-07-31T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today is one of the best and most memorable days ever.

It started with a text message I got after I went home from mass. I was so ecstatic and I didn't believe it at first, but yes, yes, it was true. It was finally true.

I have longed for this day since forever and to be honest I thought this will never come. But it did. The other week I was ready to give it up (because I would rather lose this than the other) but then the universe did not want me to.

The affair does not end now, I guess.

: Dance Little Liar - Arctic Monkeys

So uhm... yeah.

2011-07-28T21:58:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to keep up with this blog and update it once a month but it pains me a lot how crappy my posts have become. My writing skills have been affected by stress and lack of interesting posts thereof. Also, this is probably due to the fact that my day job is a writer so I'm struggling to write for leisure.

And just like my other recent posts, I don't have a good way to end this entry.

: Quequ'un M'a Dit - Carla Bruni

The video chat day

2011-07-23T21:25:00.012+08:00

This is probably one of the best nights of my entire life.

My most favorite person in the entire world, Vampire Weekend's vocalist, Ezra Koenig agreed to have a video chat today via Ustream. Because of timezone issues, I had to pull an all-nighter but like what I have expected, it was all worth it.

He said the whole video chat thing will be short and sweet and it really was. He also said that there will be 'special guests' and guess who were there---CT, Baio and Rostam---the rest of Vampire Weekend!

LOOK AT THIS BABE OHMYGOD LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE HE IS

It took me quite a while for things to sink in, and here are some thoughts I had (which I published on Tumblr):

One of the things that made this chat so memorable is that two of my questions were answered! Thank god for Rostam who noticed it. My 'What is your favorite Radiohead song?' question was answered by the whole band (!!!!!!!!!!) and I totally freaked out. I was actually freaking out the whole time that I forgot their answers to my question. I had to rewatch the whole thing to realize that my question made Ezra stutter (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Because of this video chat too, I have met a bunch of amazing people who are so dedicated to this band just like I am. I really enjoyed talking to Taylor, Janice, Karen, Aimee and Amber. I would never look at the word 'watermark' the same way again.

I think I need a lifetime to get over this.

: White Sky - Vampire Weekend

Shitscared

2011-06-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

This month had been such an emotional rollercoaster for me. A lot of things happened that concerned my adult life, and I am still trying to absorb all of it.

And then this happened. I had a health scare days ago and I thought I was going to die. Death scares me so much; it is something I don't think I can handle. Thinking about it makes me want to cry and hide.

It is really terrible when you are in physical pain and at the same time dealing with emotional issues. The stress is beyond insane. Totally a deadly combo.

: I want the world to stop - Belle and Sebastian

Being a 'fan'

2011-06-05T21:56:00.001+08:00

What does it take to be a fan?

That is one question that has been debated by lots of different people, from different fanbases (or fandoms). It actually causes so much drama and dispute amongst the supporters too.

It is really common for fans to compare themselves to each other and brag why they are better than others. By 'better', they mean that they are the 'real' fan.

How can you identify a 'real' fan
(according to people who claim to be 'real' fans)

1. You should have started listening to the band when they were still unknown. In other words, you were listening to them before anyone else.

2. You buy every single item in their merch store.

3. You have been listening to them before anyone else did.

4. You have seen them live. The more shows you've attended, the more real fan you are.

5. You have been listening to them since their demo days. Oops, did I mention this three times?

Those are just some of the observations I took while reading and experiencing fandom drama. It is actually ridiculous, in my opinion. Is there really such a thing as a 'real' fan? If there's a 'real' fan, do 'fake' fans also exist? What does being a 'fan' mean anyway?

I think that being a fan is being someone who knows by heart, appreciates and supports the music of a certain band/act. It is that simple.

I would like to stress that I don't believe that in order to be a 'real' fan, you have to know the band from the moment they first started to make music. That's just... not right. It's something you can be proud of, yes, but you don't have to discriminate other people if they just got into the band pretty late. I guess you just have to give people a chance to appreciate the music.

I also don't believe that you have to see and meet the band live for you to be called a 'fan'. This is actually something personal to me, because I haven't seen any of my favorite bands perform live. I would really love to, of course, but it is not that easy, especially that I live in a country where only pop stars perform and not indie bands. I support them in my own way, but this is one aspect that I just couldn't have yet.

However, a person who is starting to get familiar with someone's music should not call himself a 'fan'. That is just a casual listener. Being a fan requires time and effort; that's what make them special.

Anyway, this is just my two cents on this issue.

: California English - Vampire Weekend

What I have been purchasing lately

2011-06-01T21:38:00.008+08:00

If there is one thing I spend on too much, it would probably be on CDs of my favorite bands. It is really hard to purchase records of awesome acts in this country, so I had to pay a lot for shipping.

The Strokes

Finding copies of Strokes CDs here are impossible, since they have released the first three albums years ago. I was so stoked that I was able to get that ----- Is This It cover. I prefer that than the American version; and besides, it has been hailed as one of the best album covers of all time.

MGMT

I was lucky enough to snag a copy of Congratulations at some local record store here (before they pulled out every single copy). The Oracular Spectacular copy, however, was bought from Amazon.

Arctic Monkeys

I was able to get the first three albums of the Monkeys, all locally. I was just lucky that day though, because I have never seen another copy of the first two albums after I bought mine.

The Last Shadow Puppets

I am not fond of Miles Kane, but I adore Alex Turner. I bought this album mainly because of the inside art. It was worth it anyway, since my brother loves TLSP that he is hoping for a second album too.

Vampire Weekend

Amongst all the albums I was dying to purchase, Vampire Weekend's albums were the ones I had a very tough time to find. It was impossible to find locally, and everytime I ask if they have 'Vampire Weekend' albums, they end up giving me Vampire Diaries' soundtrack. So thank God for Amazon.

It would be really awesome if I could easily buy the CDs I want without thinking about how expensive the shipping fee would be. I wonder if that time would come.

: Perhaps vampires is a bit strong but... - Arctic Monkeys

Angsty girl with a blog

2011-05-28T21:39:00.001+08:00

The month of May has been emotionally exhausting for me, and this week was more insane than ever. I'm currently having a post-menstrual bitchfits and my emotions have beem magnified into larger scale; I feel like my head and my heart are going to explode.

Here are the things that annoy me so much right now:

1. I hate people who make fun of WPSIATWIN Alex Turner era. Fuck you all. Making fun of his pimples and how awkward and derpy he looked like is never funny. Even if he looks like shit, he still looks waayyyy better than all of you.

2. I have no respect to those people who listen to bands/artists because they are 'cool'. First of all, a 'cool' genre does not exist, so any argument or points you may want to raise is already bullshit and invalid. Second, you should listen to music because you like it or you enjoy it, not because you want to level up your status. It's stupid and pathetic.

3. I have became the person I hate now, but I just couldn't help to be that person, especially when you are surrounded by people who act like what I have mentioned on the second bullet. Well I guess that's the way life goes. (My attempt to be vague here clearly didn't work, I just sounded stupid. Sorry about this.)

Ugh this post is so pointless, especially that I am so annoyed that I could not even expound nor elaborate. So lame, so fucking lame.

: London Calling - The Clash

Struck

2011-05-18T21:40:00.003+08:00

After reading Gossip Girl Book 13, I had been an emotional mess. The book struck a nerve in me and I just couldn't shrug it off. Maybe you are wondering how a chick lit book is affecting me this much, so here is an explanation I came up with:

Gossip Girl I Will Always Love You is not just an ordinary Gossip Girl book; I think it is the most special. It talked about life in general and not those petty things the previous books showcased. It was actually a good thing because this is the characters' lives after highschool and their lives in college as they traversed themselves into the real world.

I cannot remember if I had been so emotional in the other books, but this one made me bawl like a baby, especially the last few chapters. Those were about getting out of your comfort zone and asking what you really want in life. Those were about weighing all your options and rethinking every aspect of your life. Those were about loosening it up and not being scared. Those chapters struck every single nerve in my body and in my personal life.

I'm always scared. Scared about everything. I remember one of those psychological questions my classmates in elementary used to ask. My result always said that I'm generally scared and anxious about everything, especially the future. So how can I loosen up and go out there to reach my dreams, to get what I want if I'm forever scared?

My anxiety level went incredibly up after realizing all of these. It was insane. I have never been that anxious for a year (the last time I felt this way was in senior year in college before our retreat). I hate myself for being so scared, but I feel like I couldn't do anything about it.

Everything just sucks.

: Sorrow - The National

Gossip Girl’s I Will Always Love You: A Review

2011-05-15T21:26:00.024+08:00

The sequel entitled “I Will Always Love You” is surprisingly entertaining. I love how everything was presented---their new lives and the changes that had happened in their lives after graduation. It is divided into four chapters, representing the four summers they had while attending college.

Here are some notes I took as I read the book:

Chapter 1

Blair. Her life with her new boyfriend Pete is really cute, and I love the fact that she finally got it together. She finally found someone who is normal and rational and a total opposite of asshole Nate. I also love the fact that Pete's family adored Blair. She deserved it.

I have loved and hated the fact that Blair gave in to Nate's sweet words again.

Serena. In the former books, I was so bummed and bored with Serena being this superstar but this time I didn't mind it at all. She was actually the only character who didn't change much compared to the old Serena we knew.

Chuck. Wow, he had the drastic change amongst all of the characters, and I have to give him props for that. Very interesting.
Nate. Still stupid, still a dick, still an asshole. I will always hate how Nate is in the books. He is so dumb, and this dumbness ruins the lives of people who care for him (read: Blair and Serena). Why does he always have to be confused? What a pussy.

Vanessa. I was totally surprised with Vanessa having a long hair and wearing colored clothes. But I was happy for her. Book!Vanessa is way too awesome compared to show!Vanessa. In fact, I should probably stop comparing the two because it is offensive for book!Vanessa to even be compared with show!Vanessa.

Dan. He has not really changed even after high school. He was still the same guy looking for inspiration, clinging on his muse for some creative juices to flow on his system.

Addendum

I loved how Jenny was gone in the first chapter and was just mentioned a couple of times. Book!Jenny kind of bored me anyway.
I hated the fact that Serena and Blair still haven't moved on from their past.

Chapter 2

It was Serena's turn to hook up with Nate. And she did this as if she hasn't learned from Blair's experiences.
Dan and Serena’s reunion at the pub, talking about literature and college was cute.
The Nate-Blair-Pete encounter in blair's hotel room made me scream for excitement. That was a good twist, props to von ziegesar.
I love how Blair realized how bad Nate is for her. I have a complicated relationship with Blair and Nate---they are too cute but I don't want them to end up together. Nate always manages to hurt her feelings.

Chapter 3

Serena and Dan were a cute couple in the book, and for some reason I appreciate their relationship here compared to the show.
I hate Jenny being here. Ugh I hate her, period.
Nate is still confused as ever. I wished he would change a bit.
God, this book has so many awesome twists. It kept me screaming and giggling.
OHMYGOD CHUCK AND BLAIR GOT TOGETHER ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
Blair and Nate reminiscing at the attic is making me cry ohmygod. Okay, I actually did sob like a little baby especially when they mentioned the wedding dress.
Ohgod, Nathaniel Archibald will always get the girls. Always.
Book!cCuck was a former ass turned into a responsible guy, waayyyy different than show!Chuck
What the fuck, Nate took Jenny's virginity? I’m totally grossed out.
Chuck is so sweet and such a gentleman; it doesn’t feel right.

Chapter 4

Jenny and Nate are so gross. Meow is such a gross pet name; I am going to throw up my insides. It’s just not right.
Tyler made me laugh so hard, reminded me of someone because of his DJ dreams and the cool guy vibe he wants to possess.
How this book ended was very typical Von Ziegesar, breaking up, leaving the boys and exploring new options.

Round-up:

This is probably my favorite among all the thirteen Gossip Girl books. Even if they still had to experience the same problems and confusion they had when they were younger, the characters whom I loved and hated grew up.

This will be further discussed on my next entry.

: Perth - Bon Iver

Gossip Girl Books 7-12: A Review

2011-05-07T20:34:00.002+08:00

Remember the time I had posted my Gossip Girl 1-6 book review late last year? Well, since I have been so busy at work and too lazy to do anything else aside from being on Tumblr, backreading tweets and making GIFs, I just finished my book review for books 7-12.

Note: Below are the notes I took while I was reading the books.

Book 7 : Nobody Does It Better

Serena is so fucking overrated. Yea yea she's gorgeous, charming, etc.---I know that already. You don't have to repeat it over and over and use tons of adjectives just to describe a body part of her, every fucking time. You already established that for the past six books.

This book also showed how Serena is such a horrible 'bestfriend' to Blair, and I really don't get it why she even considers herself as one. If she is really Blair's friend, wouldn't she tell Blair everything even though she would turn berserk from the truth? A girl like Blair doesn't need lies; lies fuels her psychoness.

On the other hand, Vanessa and Blair living together turned out to be really adorable. I loved how they turned out to be like sisters. Book!Vanessa is incomparably awesome than show!Vanessa. Honestly, comparing the two is an insult to book!Vanessa.

I also think that Aaron is such a handsome, smart guy (heehee). Though I want him and Blair to be together because they're so cute, but I am okay with his relationship with Vanessa.

Social-climber Jenny is getting on my nerves. This is applicable both to book!Jenny and show!Jenny. It's totally annoying.

Book 8 : Nothing Can Keep Us Together

Serena is such a whore. She's so pretentious and overrated. A fucking cheater. And then she calls herself blair's 'bestfriend'? Oh come on.

It's official: show!Serena is better than book!Serena. Even though the former maybe irritating and dumb (at times?), I think she still has more compassion than the latter.

Blair is still her dramatic self, but that is one of the things I love about her. She'll never be Blair Waldorf without drama around her, right?

Nate is so funny crying whole the time, but he is still a fucking asshole. Cheater. Ugh I hate cheaters!

Vanessa is also cheating with Dan and Aaron. Bad girl. But reading all her adventures is kind of exciting in a way, maybe because she is not pretentious like Serena. She knows what she's doing and she's not calling herself the 'best'.

Blair and Vanessa's friendship is awesome. Odd and unlikely couple but they really work. She's waaayyy better than all of B's friends.

In sum, this book is all about cheating, cheating, cheating. Exploring the limits of relationships as they trail on a dangerous road.

Book 9 : Only in Your Dreams

If there is one word to describe this chapter, I would say 'explicit', because of the words being used, the straight to the point sexual references, the topics they tapped this time. But I love how balanced the story became. Maybe because Von Ziegesar's ghost writer is a better storyteller than her? (If so, props to her then!)

I love how Nate is still longing for Blair. Even though he fucks up every. single. time., I am still secretly shipping the two of them. I couldn't fully explain why, maybe because I will always have a thing for first loves ending up together? A thing for fairytale relationships? A thing for a happy ending?

Blair working is just fabulous and it made her real (just like what the TV series did).

I'm also giving props to this book because Serena is not as exaggerated as she was in the first 8 books. It's a breath of fresh air. Blair was FINALLY in the spotlight, and is now appreciated. She used to be underrated.

Book!Vanessa is totally cool and awesome and the tv series murdered (understatement) Vanessa's character. Poor thing.

Book 9 also had the best lines and best punchlines amongst all the books.

Book 10 : Would I Lie to You

Summer edition! I love how all the characters had become, well probably except Serena. I really don't like her.

I love the fact that Nate declared that his love for Blair and yay for them being together again (see, my shipper heart never ceases). I just hated the fact that Serena wrote a love confession to Nate. If she really considers herself as Blair's bestfriend (and she knows that Blair is so much happy with Nate and Nate is happy with her too), she should just fuck off and let them be happy.

A storyline that I also enjoyed is Dan being 'gay'. It is so funny. I love that scene when he confessed to Vanessa that he might be gay.

I died when Arctic Monkeys was mentioned on Gossip Girl. Fandom uniting, ohmygod.

Book 11 : Don’t You Forget About Me

Serena and Nate are such fucktards. Seriously? I thought they are friends and they care for each other. But why fuck behind Blair's back?

Vanessa is such a cool character in the books. Dan being gay is still fun and definitely entertaining. Kept me going and going.

I have always been fascinated with Aaron and Blair; I just wished they were given more pages. I have been rooting for the two of them (ever since they went to that roadtrip to Yale. Probably one of my most favorite and most unforgettable scenes on Gossip Girl).

Towards the end, the story was quite rushed but it ended for the better.

Book 12: The Prequel : It Had to be You

At the beginning, it isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. It was kind of boring, and I expected the plot to be feisty because this is the freakin' prequel in the first place.

A proof that this book bore me? Well, it took me months to finish this book (compared to the others that took me hours to finish it).

One thing I liked about this book though is how cutesy Nate can be when it came to Blair. However, that is not an excuse on how asshole-y and dickhead-y he is.

And just like with the other books, I hate how sneaky Serena and Nate are with Blair. If they are really Blair's friend and they are in love with each other, they should've done the right thing and told her about them even if she's going to be really hurt. I think they shouldn't call themselves Blair's friends or even say that they are concerned with Blair's feelings cos they are not. They have never been.

Round-up:

BLAIR WALDORF
Blair!book is adorable, especially whenever she thinks of herself as someone from the movies. She will always be my favorite character. She is flawed, full of drama, vulnerable but those are the reasons why I love her. She isn't perfect and that is an admirable trait for me.

If I will be asked to choose between book!Blair and show!Blair, I would have a hard time to answer. Book!Blair is adorable on her own, and show!Blair is a feistier and wittier version of her. Leighton Meester's acting skills should be given props too, for making show!Blair very interesting. She's an effective Blair, I think.

Even if the plot of the book and the show are different, I can totally see the connection and inspiration of show!Blair from book!Blair.

SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN
If show!Blair is the feistier version of book!Blair, it is the opposite in the case of show!Serena and book!Serena. The latter is more irritating, more annoying and bitchier than her show counterpart. I always had this feeling that book!Serena doesn't really care of Blair.

On the other hand, show!Serena is more compassionate. She maybe dumb but I find her more sincere on her friendship with B.

I guess I have to give this one to show!Serena.

NATE ARCHIBALD
Beautiful but dumb. That is the consistent plot of both the book and the show.

I am quite conflicted on who to choose. Book!Nate is actually interesting, because of his love for weed and his sailing experiences. He is always confused, especially with his feelings for Blair and Serena. The moron still couldn't choose until the very end.

On the other hand, show!Nate's pastime is to fuck around with their weekly guest star. However, he didn't play with the girls' feelings as much as book!Nate did. That is why I would have to vote for him.

DAN HUMPHREY
For the past three seasons of Gossip Girl, I never got into Dan Humphrey. For me, he was just a so-so character who never had the qualities I liked. That changed, however, during the latter part of the fourth season, when he was paired up with Blair. I have always been rooting for the two of them, because I knew they would bring spice to the show. Unfortunately, the writers fucked the plot up, just like what they do best.

Book!Dan is different than show!Dan in the sense that the former has versility. He was a poet, a rockstar, a yoga student and an experimental person who had once been confused with his sexuality. He is one of the most consistent characters in the books, and that made me love him. I have to say, he's better than show!Dan.

VANESSA ABRAMS
In the TV series, she is the character I would love to see to die. She is annoying as fuck and has the shittiest storylines ever in the history of worldwide television. Her clothes, accessories, hair, make-up and attitude are the worst there is too.

In the books, she is the character I would love to have a spin-off. She deserves it more than Jenny. Book!Vanessa is really interesting, has lots of quirks, but kicks ass. She is my second most favorite character in the books.

JENNY HUMPHREY
I have never been into her. I don't think she should be considered as one of the main characters, because she is just annoying and is out of place. I find the story dragging when they talk about her adventures. I am not enjoying even a bit.

I don't know who to pick between the two.

CHUCK BASS
He doesn't really play much importance in the books; he is actually rarely mentioned. The books can continue without him so he is totally unnecessary.

Show!Chuck used to be my favorite, but since his character became beyond shitty, I despise and abhor him. He maybe more interesting than book!Chuck, but I hate how him now (this will be discussed further in my next posts).

Favorite book: Book 9
Least favorite book: Book 12
Total rating: 3 out of 5 stars

: Under Cover of Darkness - The Strokes

This has been an Ezra Koenig appreciation post

2011-04-30T22:26:00.015+08:00

I could not recall the first time I heard about Vampire Weekend. I think I first came across them on Last.fm and then gave them a try. I immediately fell in love with the band's music at first listen.

But that's not applicable to the looks of the band, especially the vocalist. My relationship with this band wasn't shallow, I got into their music first and was totally attracted to their talents before I became physically attracted to them.

The one who stood out the most for me is Ezra Koenig, that awkward frontman with a very weird accent. He stood out not because he is the frontman, but because I found him very weird. I remember the time when I was asking myself, 'what do these girls find attractive on this guy?'

My favorite Ezra photo ever.

I assume that you may think that I could finally answer my very own question, but no, I can't. I could not verbally explain how special he is. I am at loss for words to describe how amazing this guy is, and I could not even explain how I got into him. But I'll try, let me try.

I love/like/adore Ezra because he is imperfect. Yes, because he is imperfect. I have been crushing on these 'perfect guys' with beautiful eyes, nice hair, gorgeous nose, sexy body, etc. etc. But Ezra is not like that. He has a prominent Jew nose with a weird nose dent that reminds me of a baby's butt, a weird accent that sounds really funny and quite hard to understand, a little tummy and weird sense of humor. All of those quirks made me fall hard unexpectedly.

Look at his eyes here. Good god.

I would rather not explain furthermore, but I got to say that Ezra is an amazing human being, and I know it. He is smart, funny, and perfect in his own special ways.

: Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen

Celebration of life and mourning of a loss

2011-04-28T22:15:00.002+08:00

Last Monday, I celebrated my 22nd birthday, another additional year of my existence. I used to think that it was going to be 'just another' birthday, but it wasn't. It was probably one of the most unforgettable birthdays I had in my life.

The same day I was celebrating my life was the same day our neighbor, one of my earliest friends in our neighborhood, died at the very young age of 23. She had a heart failure.

I got the news on my way to work and I was really bothered by it. I don't know how to properly describe how I felt when I first heard the news. It felt... Different? Surreal? I couldn't think of the right words to describe how I felt that time.

She was a brave girl. I was turning seven when we moved here, and she was already eight, but she already knew her condition and was always grateful that she is still with us. She knows that her life has been a miracle, especially when the doctors have told her parents before that she wouldn't last a year.

I felt really sad for her death, even if we weren't as close. We occasionally smile at each other when we come across and greet each other during Christmas and New Year.

That incident made me realize how grateful I should be in every birthday that comes. Birthdays are not just an ordinary occasion to me anymore, it should definitely be a celebration of life, a day that marks another year full of blessings from God.

: Seymour Stein - Belle and Sebastian

Twenty-second birthday

2011-04-25T22:10:00.004+08:00

I was the first person who greeted my self a ‘happy birthday’. It had always been one of my traditions---to wait until the clock strikes 12:00, smile at myself and say “Happy Birthday!!” out loud. I also have a thing for birthday greetings--- for some reason I keep a mental list of those people who greeted me, and those who didn’t. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, but I tend not to forget if they did or they didn’t. It is one of my quirks that I could not even explain.

Two/three years ago (I swear I couldn’t remember exactly), someone used to greet me a happy birthday at exactly midnight. It has sort of been a tradition, or I don’t know if I could still call it as such since it doesn’t happen or followed anymore. I sort of cringed while typing this because I feel quite comfortable admitting this to the world. I sort of miss that though. Sort of.

I woke up that morning with my dad and my mom entering my room, singing Happy Birthday to me, and tickling me like I was three. I used to hate it when people are that jolly in the morning (I am, and will never be, a morning person) but it was a good feeling. It made me giggle. What a nice way to start my day.

I was thinking if I should go to work that morning or if I’ll take the day off since it’s my birthday anyway. But since I am a responsible adult, I have decided to go to work anyway. Face real life like how it should be.

A lot of people greeted me through texts which were nice because they have spent some time to send a message just to greet me. I also got some greetings over Twitter too.

I got an e-mail from Jan and she sent me a cat family cake (ha!) which was the cutest thing ever. It was so sweet and meant a lot (more than you could ever think of, especially that she didn’t send that alone).

I also got a message from my Aussie bb Steff, who made a birthday banner for me. It was totally sweet and I kind of teared up, because it was amazing that she even thought of making that even if we are thousand miles apart. She also sent me a photo of Alex Turner with some of our inside jokes plastered all over him. It was so awesome.

Tons of people have posted on my Facebook wall too but I am not really into Facebook birthday greetings. I do it, yes I admit, but it isn’t as sweet as a simple text message or a more personal message.

When I went home, my family and some relatives visited us to have dinner and I had a blast. Of course I would love to spend this very special day with my family. It meant a lot to me, especially when a huge news shocked me that morning. Our neighbor, one of my very first friends when we transferred to this village, died at the young age of 23 (I will get on that on another post).

I also got a call from my nanny. It was definitely a good surprise and it made my heart melt. When I was a bit younger, both of my parents are working so I grew up with my nanny. She raised me and she treated me like her own child. Whenever I talk to her, I couldn’t help but not to act like a kid. It’s quite embarrassing, but she always treated me as her little baby, acting like one seemed to be natural. She’s out of the country right now and it was good to know that she’s doing fine.

At the end of that day, I said a prayer and I was sobbing like a little kid. It is probably one of my most unforgettable birthdays I had. I couldn’t be any more grateful to God on how blessed I am. I have a great family, a great set of friends, a great life. It is not perfect but it is great.

I used to make lists in every birthday post I publish here on my blog, but this year, I won’t do the same. I am currently in that stage of my life that I would have just rather go with the flow than be this uptight, list-making girl that I am. I need to loosen up a bit, I guess.

: Papa Hobo – Ezra Koenig

Why I want to attend Coachella before I die

2011-04-18T22:48:00.002+08:00

This afternoon I have been streaming Coachella live with my brother. We have been doing that since yesterday, and we were lucky enough to catch Interpol and Kings of Leon.

Just a very quick round-up of some stuff:

• My heart was bleeding that I missed The Drums’ performance. They are one of my favorite acts, and it would have been a blast if I was able to catch them. I’m still waiting for someone to upload the performance on Youtube (I couldn’t even find the setlist, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they played ‘Down by the Water’, my favorite The Drums track ever).
• I was supposed to catch Foals this morning but since it’s Palm Sunday today, the mass took longer than usual and it was a total bummer. I am still waiting for the complete video uploads, but I have already watched their ‘Spanish Sahara’ performance and ohmygod, it was amazing. The crowd was alive and they were clapping and participating.
• I’m also planning to watch The Kills and Empire of the Sun because a lot of people recommended it and I heard they had kick-ass performances respectively.

However, I was able to catch Interpol and Kings of Leon and here is a very short commentary on each performance:

• Interpol – First of all, the band looked great with their suit outfit. They looked dapper as always. They played a nice set; it wasn’t boring and that for me, is a plus point. The highlight of their performance was when they played my personal favorites ‘Slow Hands’ and ‘Narc’. Obviously, my favorite Interpol album is Antics.

• Kings of Leon – They performed for an hour and a half (or longer, I didn’t really track it), and I had to say that they kind of bore me. They started with Closer, which made me excited, but as the time passed by, I kind of got bored with the songs they played. Anyway, the highlight of the whole performance is when they performed my favorite Kings of Leon song ever, ‘Sex on Fire’ followed by another good track, ‘Use Somebody’.

But I really have to give props to a) Nathan Followill who is a one bad-ass motherfucker who plays the drums like a boss and like he doesn't really give any fuck and to b) Caleb Followill whose voice sounds so amazing and has been constant all throughout their performance.

So today, my main goal was really to watch Foals and just Foals (because to be honest, I wasn’t as interested to watch today’s acts as I am for tomorrow’s lineup) but then my brother encouraged me to watch Arcade Fire so I gave it a try. I was able to listen to their songs anyway (mostly from The Suburbs). And that decision turned out to be one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

ARCADE FIRE WAS BEYOND AMAZING. I swear I could not put into words how great and amazing they were. Their performance is definitely one of the best if not the best performance I have ever seen. They were that awesome.

Win Butler is beyond adorable and the way he talked to the audience was totally giggle-worthy. He was awkward and cute and amazing. His smile melted my heart and I was totally convinced that he is one of the nicest men around. His wife Regine Chassagne was totally cute too. I love her. I think she is an amazing woman who is very passionate with her craft. I love Win and Regine; they are probably my most favorite couple in the entire world.

Here they are being so cutesy. My heart is going to explode.

My most favorite part of the whole performance is probably when they played Wake Up, the last track before the encore. I was in total awe, and tears started to roll down my cheeks and had goosebumps all over my body. I have never seen anyone performed like that, and I have never been that emotional on a performance ever. It was beautiful. And that was the understatement of the year, I guess.

Huge light up balls started to fall from a crane and the audience started to throw them around and to hold them up high. It looked beautiful on screen (what more live, right?).

The third day

The third day was actually the highlight for me. The Strokes are playing and the day before their performance, I was totally stoked for it. I would not care about the other acts playing that day too, I was all for the Strokes.

But things changed when Chromeo tweeted and confirmed that Ezra will be doing a cameo performance on their song I Could Be Wrong. I got totally excited because it is Ezra fucking Koenig, aka the love of my life. I hate surprises but this could be a good one, right? It was totally random and I was cool with it.

Not until I checked the Coachella livestream schedule.

Chromeo’s performance will overlap with The Strokes’. The Strokes stream will be on Channel 1 and Chromeo’s stream will be on Channel 2. My heart froze the moment I checked it on the website. I didn’t know who to choose. Here is some evidence of my confusion:

I have decided that maybe I could just switch channels. Catch Ezra perform with Chromeo and miss one song of The Strokes, perhaps. That would be cool. No big deal.

And then comes Coachella’s third day. I have set my clock in California timezone and I was ready. So ready.

But then this happens:

I swear I was a fucking mess. My fingers were trembling until I went home. I felt like the universe punched me hard on the face and on my gut and I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t recover. I was ranting to my brother and I told him that I will do crazy things (that I won’t name in this blog) if I don’t get to watch Ezra’s sax performance. I was totally devastated.

I have checked Youtube since the minute Ezra’s performance ended and hoped that someone with a good heart has already uploaded it but I had no luck. Just one more try and then I’ll give up for that day, I told myself. And so I opened my Chrome and clicked on Youtube’s homepage, but for some reason my browser redirected me to Coachella’s Youtube page and I accidentally clicked something because I panicked that my browser will freeze but then BAM. Channel 2 started to load and then the first few notes of Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa played.

I started screaming and hyperventilating and jumping like a lunatic. Ezra suddenly appeared out of nowhere and he started to sing with Chromeo. During the bridge part, he played the saxophone and my heart rate was 9472396732678576% faster than usual. I almost passed out. I HAVE FINALLY CAUGHT HIS PERFORMANCE. My whole body was shaking because I never thought I’d be lucky to catch it that day since I have been so fucked up in the morning.

After his performance, I have switched to Channel 1 where The Strokes’ stream was airing. It was the perfect timing because I have seen what they were currently performing earlier that day. I was also able to catch up with what I missed. Julian was so adorable all throughout their performance. I loved how he awkwardly spoke to the audience by mumbling and saying stuff. It was so cute.

And so this has been my Coachella live(stream) chronicles. Imagine if I was there in the flesh. This post would probably not just this long (and sensible).

: Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) – Arcade Fire

Happy Birthday, Ezra Koenig!

2011-04-09T22:19:00.002+08:00

I could not perfectly put into words how much I adore you and there's no gif that can encapsulate how happy you make me everytime I listen to your music, watch your interviews and performances, and read your tweets (especially when you reply to me). You are one of the most beautiful people ever---very smart, adorable, relatable, talented and funny. Thank you so much for a lot of things I could not possibly list down right now and I love you for so many reasons no one could fully comprehend. xx

: Have I The Right - Vampire Weekend

When crying is all you can do

2011-03-29T21:15:00.001+08:00

I have cried so many times this month.

Crying is not as bad as it may seem. One can cry because he is happy and/or because he is sad, frustrated, angry, scared and disappointed. And maybe I cried for some of those reasons, probably all of them too.

Crying is probably my second favorite way to vent out my emotions (it comes next to writing). I think I'm better at writing than crying; I am not a pretty crier. Not like those actors in the movies or television series.

I cry at the simplest and even dumbest things. I cry over animals, my great to have a pet of my own, sad stories I read online, random quotes that make my heart melt, etc. I also cry when something (or anything) didn't live up to my expectations.

But I also cry at the major ones. Everyone does, I think. At times like this I realize that each and every person in this world has something deep and major that they cry about. It's not really easy. Maybe they cry because they are scared to face it; because they are overwhelmed; because the truth sucks and they feel like they can do nothing to make it better.

The tears in my eyes tell a lot of stories I can't even say with words.

: Ready? OK. - Matt & Kim

Someday, You and I

2011-03-24T21:03:00.001+08:00

'I want a dog.'

I have been telling my parents that I want to have my own dog for the longest time. I have cried thousands of buckets of tears when I talk about this topic. But they still don't let me to. Well actually my dad is fine with it, but my mom and my brother aren't. They think that I'm not responsible enough to have one.

What sucks is, both of my parents grew up having dogs around at home. And I think it's just unfair that they won't let me have this one. I hate it more when my mom and my brother start to mock me when I talk about how responsible I can be when I have my own little doggie. They both keep on telling me that having a dog is almost the same thing as having a baby, and that I won't have the time to take care of him especially that I go to work every weekday.

But hey, I have been preparing for this all my life. I am ready to take care of another living specie and I swear to god I will love him and take care of him like my own child.

Hopefully, by the end of the year, things will go my way and I'll be able to have my little baby doggie.

: The Heart of Life - John Mayer

This has been an Andrew VanWyngarden appreciation post

2011-02-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

The antithesis of everything that I wanted. That is how can I describe Andrew to my life. This is going to sound fucking cheesy (well it is fucking cheesy---this whole I'm going to dedicate a post for you on your birthday month thing that I am doing) but yea, I don't give a damn.

Andrew Wells VanWyngarden. One of my favorite photos of him.

I cannot exactly recall how I first heard of MGMT (was it from Gossip Girl or from an old mixtape I downloaded over Livejournal) but I actually liked their music way before I had the time to Google Image how they looked like. And immediately I was drawn to Andrew, even if he had long hair and was a stoner. He is beautiful.

Yes, he is beautiful. He is such a complicated, flawed human being and this made him very beautiful. Everytime I read/watch/listen to his interviews, I can't help not to feel amazed on how intelligent and sarcastic he is. He may dress weirdly (poncho, headbands, flowers and teabag on his hair), but this does not measure how great he is as an artist and as a person.

A photo can't justify how beautiful and admirable Andrew is so here's a gif for everyone. <3

And here's an excerpt of something I wrote on Tumblr:

You are probably the antithesis of everything I have wanted in a man when I was younger (i.e., my Disney princesses days), but damn, you made me see the light, that being crazy, fun and psychedelic are way better. I love you forever. x

: Siberian Breaks - MGMT

February Round-up

2011-02-27T15:49:00.001+08:00

February 1: I was so high and happy. There were cupcakes, rainbows and glitters involved. I was supposed to wear my special spray-painted dress but my mom accidentally got it wet so I had to change into a normal Marice dress. It didn't affect me much though; I was still really happy that I wanted to hug every stranger I came across in the streets.
And then as usual, the universe fucks me over making me feel so down and depressed for days. It is a long and personal story I don't have any plans of sharing, so... let's leave it as that.
February 15: I woke up so fucking early (I don't wake up early unless there's a field trip okay) just to be with someone. Fuck the timezones, seriously. But I had so much fun, giggling along and stuff like that.
February 24: Celebrated Jopay's birthday with Camille, Jenn, Elli and the birthday girl herself. We had dinner and it was fun! I haven't seen them for the longest time and it was really nice to see them again, exchanging fangirly stories. I was eagerly listening to Elli as she told us how she felt the first time she saw Kame, the love of her life, in the flesh. I believe that someday, my time will come. It'll be my turn to have that moment. ;)
Things are getting pretty okay with something and I am really thankful to God for it. :)
February is just 28 days long but I have been spending too much, ugh. I am supposed to be saving my ass off for something that I am planning to buy at the end of this year. I need to get my shit straight.
But in sum, I am happy and contented and I guess that's all that matters, right? <3

: Breaking It Up - Lykke Li

This has been an Alex Turner appreciation post

2011-01-31T22:15:00.002+08:00

For the end of January, I would like to dedicate a post to probably one of the best songwriters of this generation, a very talented musician that goes by the name of Alex Turner. He is the vocalist of that awesome band called Arctic Monkeys and the other half of that awesome duo called The Last Shadow Puppets.

I have first heard of Arctic Monkeys because of my brother, because he accidentally (?) downloaded 'Fluorescent Adolescent'. Then during our internship period, Jan gave me a copy of their other songs which I never gave a listen and forwarded it to my brother instead. My brother got my iPod and uploaded those songs and some more, and it was only then when I really got a chance to appreciate their music. And then the rest, as they say, is history.

Alexander David Turner. This is one of my favorite photos of him.

But I just had this incredible, insane, fucked up attraction towards Alex last year. Damn, the boy is beautiful. Especially during the Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not and Favourite Worst Nightmare eras. He was this young, awkward and pimply babe but I find that totally adorable. He is a genius, a very good storyteller. And I will always have a soft spot for guys who know how to use their words. He was being true to his words then too, practicing what he preaches.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I clearly do not give a fuck, so let me just say that I do not like Humbug Alex, or more popularly known as Hipster Alex who struts around New York with his beer, cigarette and stick-thin companion. He suddenly turned into someone… different. I don’t want to delve deeper into that, since this is an “appreciation post”. Would just probably write all my sentiments in another one.

But whatever happens, I will always have this love-hate relationship with Alex. My love and hate for him are infinite. It’s complicated like that.

: From the Ritz to the Rubble - Arctic Monkeys

That feeling of hate, sadness and anger

2011-01-22T21:24:00.001+08:00

Do you know that feeling when there’s something that bothers you so much, something that hurts you so much, but you cannot tell anyone about it? And all you can do is to cry and feel bad about yourself?

That feeling when you try your best to prove that everything's just fine, but it is just not, so they come and haunt you?

That feeling when you start to question everything and everyone, because they are just so fucking pointless?

It just sucks that even if you didn't do anything for this to happen, you have to solve it on your own, because everybody around just doesn't care. Because it is not their lives that are on the line. It is your life that they messed up, but they are too scared to fix the problem. So they run away. They refuse to see the ruins, they refuse to experience the aftershocks.

It's just unfair.

: The End Has No End - The Strokes

10 for 2010

2011-01-02T15:40:00.000+08:00

Two days late for a year-ender post

2010 had been one of the most unforgettable years of my life. Here are some of the ten things that had happened over the last year:

1. That trip
I have started the year with this event that I would never forget until I get old. I never felt that giddy and excited in my entire life. I would not go into details because a) they're everywhere (LOL); b) the more I don't share it to the world, the more special it becomes. I was able to share this euphoric (by that time, euphoria was an understatement) with my former officemate and blockmate Jan. Rushing to finish our tasks at hand, riding that bus for hours, my skirt being blown by the wind while I was about to get down the jeepney, the long walks, that rude guy, those stupid grin on our faces, 'Harvard', laughing inappropriately, exchange of cards, hitching on an incredibly small vehicle and forcing ourselves to fit in, the giggles, the huge house, the bear rug, the dinner, the licking of the dog, the grand restroom, that card game, that kid who wouldn't cover his mouth. All of those for a night to remember.

2. Leaving my dream job
I have quit my first job, my dream job at the beginning of last year's third quarter. It was one of the biggest decisions I did in my mature life. It took me a long time to end up to that decision but I knew I needed to move on with something else. I will never forget my stint at Flow, the things it taught me, the people I met and worked with.

3. New doors have opened
They say that 'when God closes a door, he opens another one'. Well in my case, he opened the whole roof and even knocked down walls for me. I am very much blessed with what I have now, and I will be eternally grateful. He is and will forever be there for me, to guide me to a place that I would be really happy and contented in.

4. Steph and Lucky

This year, I also met two of the most amazing people I know---Steph and Lucky. They were my officemates and my friends too. I would never forget our Fun Lunch Club, all the jokes we laughed at, all the codenames, late night texting of juicy chikas, everything. They made me happy and made me feel that I belong to a group of real friends. With them I feel fine being my maarte, weird and over-acting self, without questioning life and whatnots.

5. Moving on
Cleaning all the negative vibes in my life enabled me to move on. Again, I would not go into details but the anticipation for this emancipation has been going on for the longest time. Finally, I was able to do it. I have (finally) realized that someone's just fucking around with my feelings and it's not even worth it at all.

I have also moved on from other aspects of my life, forgot the people who are not worth my time and effort. I have so many better persons around me, so I really don't give a fuck (and I'm saying this in a very nice way).

6. Goodbye negativity
At the latter part of the year, I have survived all the tough times I've been through. It was one hell of a ride and still I am here standing strong. This is why I have decided to say goodbye to whatever negativity I have in my heart so I can have more space for positivity. I know I sound so much like a self-help book, but try it. You'd feel lighter and brighter in no time.

7. Prepubescent no more
I have opened my eyes to the world and it feels so damn good. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I know I can still be naive sometimes, but I'm trying to see things in a whole new different life. It's fun though.

8. Fangirling - Music
I feel like my 16-year old self again. I will expand of this on an another post but let me just say that my year had been so awesome because of Arctic Monkeys, MGMT, Vampire Weekend and The Strokes.

9. SL
The highlight of my December. One of the reasons why am I so happy right now. :)

10. Shower of blessings
2010 has been a very blessed year for me and my family. I couldn't be more thankful for that.

2010 may be a tough year, but it sure made us tougher. May 2011 be awesomer than ever for all of us! x

: 11th Dimension - Julian Casablancas

It's Christmas Time!

2010-12-24T18:28:00.001+08:00

...and I haven't updated this blog for quite a long time. I have been busy with so many things, but my life is utterly awesome and great, thank you very much.

Jan and I have been spending time doing a fucking A+ project and that makes me happy every single day. It is really amazing when you find someone who could understand your ~vision.

I have also been busy with Tumblr and have been spending most of the time browsing stuff of MGMT, The Strokes, Arctic Monkeys and Vampire Weekend.

Last night I was out for dinner with my new officemates and had a blast laughing on superheroes, moles, North Face and those other shit. And then I was surprised that Darren Criss was at Trinoma! I died when he sang Teenage Dream. What a very talented man.

We are going to have a party at our house tomorrow, and my mom assigned me as the party planner so I have shitload of things to do. Hopefully I could update some more, since I have lots of stories on queue, before this year ends.

Have a safe and blessed Christmas everyone! Remember that this season is about the birth of our Savior!

: Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga

All I Want for Christmas 2010

2010-12-05T19:33:00.001+08:00

The roads are filled with bright lights and lanterns. Red, green and gold ornaments are everywhere. You can even smell it in the air. Hello darlings, it's Christmas time!

It took me quite a while to complete this list (though this is probably the shortest wishlist I made in my entire life, lol). Maybe because the items on this list are not just those typical ohmy-they-look-so-pretty-I-want-them kind. I really want these from the bottom of my heart. That is the cue for you guys to take note of everything and buy me a gift, yea? They aren't even expensive! :)

So here are ten material things I want for Christmas:

1. The Killers: Live from Royal Albert Hall DVD

I have seen this concert for five times already, but ohgod they never fail to leave me in awe. The Killers is one of my favorite bands of all time and I will never ever get tired of watching them perform live (even if it is just on DVD).

Everytime I watch this concert (through TV specials or Youtube), I always feel emotional. The band, the crowd and the song all contribute to the magic. I jump around, scream, cheer, clap and sing my heart out for every song they play (especially during Mr. Brightside, The River is Wild, All These Things that I've Done, and so on).

2. Harry Potter Books

I have started reading Harry Potter in high school because it was part of our requirements for our English class. Yes, you read that right---we did study Harry Potter. We had to memorize the spells, the characters and other terminologies. Having 'Harry Potter Wednesdays' was fun then.

Now I am planning to rekindle my love for Harry Potter so I got to have the books again.

3. Teen Vogue Handbook

It is a known-fact that I have always been interested in fashion. Someday, I want to study in a good fashion school and work in a reputable fashion magazine. So as a starter, I know that I have got to get this book.

4. Rules of Thumb by Martone and Neville

I am dying to have this book! I saw a copy of this at National Bookstore once and it is such a good read (and I can confidently say that even though I have just read its first few pages). Published writers and aspiring writers can totally make use of this.

5. Chuck Palahniuk Books

Ha, another book again. My brother is the one who made me read Palahniuk and I liked his writing style. So yea, I am struggling to have his other books too.

6. Art of Fiction by Ayn Rand

I have always been interested in fiction, and I think I would really learn a lot from this book. If I remember correctly, Rand talks something about an author’s voice and how unique it is. Ah, I wish I could have my hands on this amazing book.

7. Pet dog

Meet Voltron, Julian Casablancas' pet dog :)

I have always wanted to have a pet dog. I always beg my parents to get me one, but my mom refuses to give in. I swear I am responsible enough to have one, I promise!

8. Pet cat

Got this from Ezra Koenig's twitter accout (twitter.com/arzE)

I have grown a recent fascination on cats thanks to all my boys (my brother, my love for MGMT, Ian Somerhalder). They are the cutest thing ever.

9. Journal

Not necessarily like this one, but you get the idea?

I think I should spend more time writing on a journal, instead of blogging (lol, as if my blogs are always updated). I need to something new in my life, probably write more since I have so many inspiring things around me.

10. Pair of boots

This is a shoe closet because I was too lazy to find a photo of the perfect pair of boots

I have always wanted to have a pair of boots though it is not probably the best footwear to have if you are living in Manila. But whatever, I still want a pair. If there’s a will, there’s a way. :)

Hopefully a good soul would grant even one of my wishes! Come on guys, remember: it is better to give than to receive! xx

: I Wish It Was Christmas Today - Julian Casablancas

Gossip Girl: Books VS TV Series Part I

2010-11-02T15:09:00.003+08:00

Hello world, meet my most prized limited collector's edition of Gossip Girl books. And yes I also have the sequel book, 'I Will Always Love You'.

Gossip Girl Limited Collector's Edition and the sequel, 'I Will Always Love You'

First of all I would like to thank few people who have helped me to snag this collection. It has been my goal to complete them before my 21st birthday but I got them all few months after. But who cares! Shoutout to Migs, Claudette, Ian and Arian!

As of press time, I have already read the first six books of the series namely: Gossip Girl, You Know You Love Me, All I Want Is Everything, Because I'm Worth It, I Like It Like That and You're the One That I Want. And since Gossip Girl books and Gossip Girl TV series have so much difference, I decided to make a comparison post.

Note: Everything I wrote about below is based on what I have read from book one to book six ONLY.

L-R: Blair Waldorf, Dan Humphrey, Serena van der Woodsen, Nate Archibald, Chuck Bass, Jenny Humphrey

Serena Celia van der Woodsen - TIE

Books: It is really annoying how perfect Serena is in the books. It is so... unreal. The way Von Ziegesar describes her is always full of adjectives to the point when you'd get tired eyerolling every single time. She only experienced heartbreak once from book 1 to book 6---when Aaron, Blair's stepbrother, dumped her. She got in on all of the colleges she applied to (Harvard, Brown, Yale, etc) without having good grades and extra-curricular activities.

TV Series: Show!Serena is sort of like this too, but not as annoying. She has weaknesses (aside from sleeping random boys, duh) and can be vulnerable as well. I also love how Serena is was totally in-love with Dan. And least she wasn't as slutty as she was in the books, like falling in love and making out with a random dude, 30 seconds after meeting him.

Why tie? Because I see Serena, book or series, as someone who is shallow and has not enough complexities to be considered as a 'main character'. I don't know, I still find her boring and not entertaining to watch and/or read.

Blair Cornelia Waldorf – TIE (kind of)

Books: Book!Blair is very complicated and has lots of layers that are well justified. The justification of these complexities makes book!Blair more interesting than show!Blair. What are those complexities I am talking about? Well, her father whom she adored so much left them to be with a man and is now living far away from her; she has an irritating younger brother named Tyler; she has this obnoxious stepfather Cyrus whom her mother is totally in-love with (add the fact that she is slowly turning to be as obnoxious as he is); she is wait-listed on her dream school Yale and was accepted only at Georgetown; she has bulimia and so many issues; and of course, she has a stoner, on-off boyfriend who had sex with her bestfriend. Can it get any worse than that?

TV Series: Show!Blair is adorable (huge thanks to Leighton Meester's superb acting) with all her bitchcraziness. I think show!Blair is fine and well compared to the other characters in the show, but I would still prefer if they stuck closer with the books when it came to her core characterization. It would be so awesome, given the fact that Leighton gives life to Blair very well.

Why tie? Even though book!Blair seems to be more interesting than show!Blair, I cannot not acknowledge how adorable the latter is.

Nathaniel 'Nate' Van der Bilt Archibald – BOOKS

Books: Ah, Nathaniel. He is probably one of my most favorite characters in the books so far. He is this gorgeous young man, lacrosse team captain, asshole and jerk. Book!Nate is such a stoner, he needs to smoke weed as often as Gossip Girl uses exclamation points. But I love how he does this crazy choices, like hooking up with his Brown interviewer so he wouldn't get a spot on their lacrosse team because he wanted to make Blair happy.

TV Series: I hate show!Nate. He is a gorgeous, stupid dumbass with no valid reason why and is currently obsessed with Dan Humphrey. In season one, he was still tolerable. But as seasons pass, his character is getting crappier and crappier. I blame the writers for this!

It is also disappointing that the show did not give much time to establish Nate and Blair's relationship just like in the books. They weren't even given a season of it!

Why books? Because obviously, book!Nate is more adorable than show!Nate.

Charles Bartholomew 'Chuck' Bass – TV SERIES

Books: In the books, Chuck Bass is gay. He has a pet monkey, loves to flirt and get into a hot tub full of naked Dutch snowboarders. He is also very annoying. I don't have much to say about Chuck because he is not a 'regular' character on the books.

But uhm, yea. He is Gossip Girl in the books. (See: I Like It Like That, Book 5)

TV Series: Show!Chuck is... Chuck Bass. He is cocky, perverted, and doesn't have a pet monkey by his side. He has twins instead.

Chuck became a main character in the TV series and became Blair's ~~boyfriend~~ ex-boyfriend. I like him and Blair together, but for chrissakes, I am really tired of all the drama. It could be really interesting if they rest, explore other options and then get back together SOON. Why the rush?

Why TV series? Because show!Chuck is more interesting than book!Chuck. Von Ziegesar did not even give book!Chuck much of attention.

Daniel Randolph 'Dan' Humphrey – TIE (kind of)

Books: Book!Dan is the quintessential budding artist. He smokes a lot (his hands shake when he doesn't), never forgets to bring his beat-up notebook where he scribbles all his poems, etc. He is also kind of a stud, hooking up with different girls (Serena, Vanessa and Mystery Craze).

TV Series: Show!Dan is kind of dorky and it took me three seasons to appreciate him. He is a good and an intelligent guy, which make him totally distinct from all of the other characters. Show!Dan had been whoring it out lately, but I love how he has always been in love with Serena. The failboat might be a failboat but it was fun until it lasted.

Why tie? Because book!Dan and show!Dan have lots of things to offer. He can be mysterious, intellectual, whoring it out at times... uh-oh, I really do appreciate Humphrey now.

Jennifer Tallulah 'Jenny' Humphrey – TV SERIES SEASON ONE IS TIED WITH THE BOOK, THE REST: BOOKS

Books: Book!Jenny has an incredible cup size, everybody cannot not notice it. Unlike in the TV series, book!Jenny is not a minion of Blair (circa season one), she is her own person. Getting free makeovers in the malls, practicing her strut, stalking boys---those are just some of the stuff that keeps her busy. She also hooked up with Nate and was involved in an internet video scandal.

TV Series: Little J (meaning, Jenny Humphrey in season one) used to be adorable. With that cute schoolgirl uniform, fresh face and tolerable attitude, she was as endearing as book!Jenny.

But when she started to become a raccoon with goth clothes on and crappy attitude, I started to hate Jenny.

Why tied at first and then books now? Because book!Jenny is more tolerable than show!Jenny. 'Nuff said.

Vanessa Marigold Abrams – BOOKS

Books: Shaved head, combat boots, black outfit---that is how book!Vanessa looks like. She is very artsy, always filming things and people around her. She does not give a crap to the world and does whatever it is that she feels like doing.

TV Series: Horrible prints, horrible colors, horrible makeup, horrible hair---that is how show!Vanessa looks like. She is also very annoying, hates the Upper East Siders but attends their party anyway. I hate show!Vanessa with great passion.

Why books? It was a given. Show!Vanessa is horrible as her outfits and hair, and book!Vanessa would pwn her anytime.

Here are other characters in the books I wished that were properly portrayed in the TV series:

Aaron Rose

Books: Book!Aaron is a dreadlocked, herbal cigarette smoking, vegan stepbrother of Blair. I think he is really a cutie based on how I imagined him to be. He is sensitive, smart and made Blair loosen up (that is why she screwed her Yale interview). He also has this thing for Blair but chose to be Serena's boyfriend and then dumped her.

TV Series: Show!Aaron is a photographer who fell in love with Serena. He was a crappy character and was probably thought about while the writers were bored with their life. He was totally uninteresting.

I really think that Aaron would have been a good character in the show. Aaron + Blair > Serena + Dan, if we are talking about stepbrother and stepsister romance.

Eric van der Woodsen

Books: Book!Eric is a stud. I also imagined him to be a very gorgeous man (he is Serena's OLDER brother anyway... I bet he also has that perfect genes). Book!Blair almost lost her virginity with book!Eric, but she wasn't ready yet. He took this in a very cute, awkward and OMG-you-are-such-a-nice-guy way.

TV Series: Show!Eric is younger than Serena and is gay. Eric isn't given much airtime in this show. He used to be adorable (circa season one, two) but now I hate him because all he does is to bitch over Chuck, as if Jenny wasn't the first one who initiated the whole sex thing.

I am actually sort of confused over this one. I would love to see a straight, older book!Eric for Blair, but I also love the gay, young show!Eric given a good material to work on.

CONCLUSION

The TV series can be such a mess, but I hate how over-the-top and totally unrealistic the books were. Both of them had good and bad points. I loved Gossip Girl from season one to two, and I kind of drifted away since season three. I have read the novels until its sixth book and so far, I am still having a blast.

Photos above courtesy of youknowyouloveme.org. I have chosen this photoshoot because in my opinion, this embodied book!cast and show!cast perfectly.

: An Olive Grove Facing The Sea - Snow Patrol

because i'm too immature for this

2010-10-19T13:12:00.001+08:00

This photo never fails to make me giggle like a deranged school girl:

♥ ALEXANDER TURNER, I'D SPIN YOUR PROPELLER. ♥

: This House is a Circus - Arctic Monkeys

ain't kid-friendly

2010-10-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

I am not fond of kids, or whatever you call those little human beings who are too young to understand 'shut up', 'don't touch me with your sticky fingers' or 'stop blabbing, just sleep'. They maybe cute but that does not erase the fact that they can still be annoying as hell.

Parents have something to do how annoying their kids are. Who else would they get their loudness from anyway?

The other day I sat beside this woman with two kids and gosh, it was the worst trip I had this year. The woman is disgustingly loud on her phone while her kids were blabbing louder about the cars they see on the road. My iPod was on full volume already yet I can still hear the kids and their mother. The commotion made me really dizzy and I would've barfed on them anytime soon. Everyone in the vehicle was disgusted as I am and I swear I wanted to kick them out or gag them.

If my future husband (hahahaha whut) is reading this, he'd probably be freaking out that I am such a hater. Don't get me wrong, I love little creatures... well, those you call 'babies'. I prefer babies than kids because babies are easier to conprehend. Like when they cry, it's either they're wet, hungry or not feeling well. And they are way cuter than kids, ha.

My outlook may change soon, but for now I want to declare that I'd rather have a pet dog and cat than a kid. Yea.

: No Buses - Arctic Monkeys

body issues, here you go again

2010-10-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

I already composed a blog post about these body issues I am currently facing, but I decided not to post that version. I re-read everything and freaked out on how sick my thoughts were. I sounded very unhealthy, very desperate, very pathetic.

Basically, this is all about me being concerned and worried on how 'fat' I am, even though everybody around me tells me otherwise. The last time I had this episode was during my second year in college, and that was triggered by an incident where my friend called me 'fat' in front of so many people (basically she just wanted to embarrass me?). Before then, I never thought how sensitive I could be when it comes to my weight and body.

I was a chubby kid when I was younger and growing up, I started to shed off the weight. Pretty normal, isn't it? That is why I also wondered why I was that affected by that incident. It must be the embarrassment it cost me. I was caught off-guard, and I hate that feeling.

I don't know what triggered me this time. I couldn't even remember when this episode started. I just found myself weighing and measuring myself twice a day. I am also having these urges of poking my throat whenever I feel full (but I haven't came to a point of doing that, don't worry). I cannot explain why I feel like this, what do I want, and where do I go from here.

My parents are freaking out about this when they knew, thanks to my brother whom I tell all my secrets to. Trust me, I have underwent every session of how 'okay, perfect and fine' my body and my weight are. I also talked to Fresh about this too over Gtalk and she also made me feel better. I have also discussed the same thing with Joanna over Facebook. I also have been reading ONTD posts and it made me feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong---I don't go there to harvest mojo from all the hate posts, but the people there make sense, especially on the stuff about celebrities who allegedly have eating disorders.

I know I look healthy yet I am still insecure with my figure which is totally wrong, right? But I don't want to be thin… like Alexa Chung thin. I feel better that a lot of people still prefer shapely legs (which I have) over twig-like legs ala Alexa's.

Here's a photo of me:

And here's what I am talking about when I say “Alexa Chung thin”:

Even my favorite girl and number one girl crush Leighton Meester has ‘meat’ on her legs:

My confidence is slowly recuperating and I am really looking forward to the day that I get over this shit. I am starting to eat healthily and have been avoiding junk food and soda. I have yet to start exercising, so good luck to me.

: I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses

on a high

2010-10-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

Do you ever get this feeling when you just want to run away from everything, be indifferent, and stay in your own awesome world?
I do. And here I go again, detaching myself from the 'real' world.

I don't know about you, but I really enjoy this period of my life. Things have been pretty steady, I like it. This is probably the same feeling people get when they are high from drugs; the only difference is that I'm sober. I feel calm, awesome, happy... ah, I can't even.

I wake up from a very good dream every morning and I just feel blessed and loved. I am usually the person who don't say 'good morning' because I am NOT (and never) a morning person but this high is so fucking awesome it is turning my world upside down.

My heart flutters.

: Little Secrets - Passion Pit

it's official:

2010-10-13T13:34:00.001+08:00

The Monkeys have taken over my life.

Arctic Monkeys, that is.

: Balaclava - Arctic Monkeys

the 10/10/10 meme

2010-10-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

Because today’s date is special, I am doing this 10-10-10 meme:
There were so many categories, I just chose three which got my interest ;)

10 things about me:

1. My room's current theme was inspired by Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album and I owe my dad and mom a lot for making it possible.

2. I love Gossip Girl so much that I spend a lot of cash, time and effort on it. I consider my complete Gossip Girl special edition books and my position as the chief moderator of a Gossip Girl community with over 11,000 members as gems on my fangirling crown.

3. Unlike other kids, I wasn't able to spend time with my grandparents on both sides. Three of my grandparents passed away already--my mom's father who died while she was still young; my mom's mother and my dad's father. I remember my Lola Godelia (mom's mother) was the one who helped me with my school project in Botany when I was still in grade school. She was really good at it. Meanwhile, I remember that my Lolo Juan (dad's father) was a fan of my bibbo-ness. When he was bed-ridden, I used to sing 'Colors of the Wind' on his bedside (complete with emotions and actions) and he would smile and would raise his arm to pat me even though half of his body was severely paralyzed. My Lola Macaria (dad's mom) lives in CDO so I haven't seen her for years.

4. The senior retreat in Caleruega changed my life. I had so many regrets in my heart and I deeply blamed myself for it. It was only then when I forgave myself for everything.

5. I cannot live without my gold earrings. I actually do not remove them because if I do, I'd never feel complete. Seriously.

6. I am scared of frogs (because of that dissecting thing we had to do in Science class when I was in 5th grade. I was traumatized) and clowns (because I think they're not funny and they're evil).

7. I have lots of acquiantances whom I call 'friends' and very few real friends whom I call 'best friends'.

8. I am a technosapien. I'd probably die without technology. And yes I suffer from Hourglass syndrome thanks to my attachment to technology lol.

9. I am not a morning person. I am always cranky in the morning. Give me an hour or two to warm up for the day.

10. If I’d be left in the jungle, I’d probably die as soon as possible. I cannot lit a match; I cannot run fast; I am allergic to wild grass and yes, I can’t swim.

10 stuff I fangirl-ed about:
Chronologically arranged

1. Leonardo di Caprio, Titanic days.

My first crush. He was the reason why I made my very first scrapbook. I even bullied a classmate for him to give me some of his Titanic merchandise, lol.

2. Ghost Fighter.

I have collected everything---from playing cards, posters, masks, cassette tape, stickers, food wrapper, etc---I got them all. I religiously watched this on GMA 7, when anime still had the primetime spot on television.

3. Spice Girls.

Ah, these girls. I have collected their cassette tapes, stickers, newspaper clippings and even that Chupa Chups lollipop. I was Baby Spice.

4. Backstreet Boys.

I memorized all the songs and dance moves of Backstreet Boys just like a true blue fangirl.

5. *Nsync.

My first hardcore fangirling experience was with *Nsync. I memorized Justin, Joey, Chris, Lance and JC’s personal info, the bands’ lyrics and dance moves. I bought magazines; cut all those clippings; bought cassette tapes and CDs---everything.

6. UAAP.

I was really into UAAP especially during the 2005-2006 season. I used to collect Chalk magazine’s UAAP/NCAA special edition!

7. Hale.

Ah, the first OPM band that made me go fangirly. I have their complete CDs (yes, even the special release one) and saw the band twice. I still keep Champ’s autograph (and his special message ohmygodddd).

8. Panic! At The Disco.

‘A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out’ still has the top spot of my favorite albums ever. I love this band so much, that is why when Ryro and Jon left, my heart was shattered into pieces.

9. Gossip Girl.

This show, as cheesy (and stupid) as it may sound, changed my life. I have invested so much in this fandom. And I just cannot stop.

10. Vampire Diaries.

The youngest in my precious fandom. I have still lots of things to explore, but so far, it has been fun and addictive.

10 boys who rocked my world ;)

1. Leonardo di Caprio.

He was my first crush ever. Enough said.

2. Dennis (Kurama) of Ghost Fighter.

He’s my favorite character and I would punch someone who would call him “gay”. (I had no concept of yaoi when I was in grade school, k)

3. Nick Carter.

Who didn’t have a crush on Nick Carter?

4. JC Chasez.

When everyone died because of Justin Timberlake, I was there on the side falling in love with JC. My heart still skips a beat whenever I see him.

5. Chris Tiu.

I had the biggest crush on Chris Tiu that I had to run after him during that PRSP seminar just to get a photo with him. Thank God I was successful!

6. Champ Lui-Pio

My family and friends know how much I loved this guy. And yes, it was written all over my blog. Hahahahaha

7. Ed Westwick.

My first Brit boy. Why do I like him? He’s Chuck Bass.

8. James Franco.

Holy shmex this guy has the complete package! Good looks, sexy body, THE brains---I swear he is someone my parents would approve.

9. Alex Turner.

He looks awkward but absolutely a cutie.

10. Ian Somerhalder.

He is a motherfucking sexybeast, yo. And yes, he also fights for the rights of animals and is an environmentalist.

: On the Floor - Brandon Flowers

off the rail

2010-10-08T15:17:00.000+08:00

Back in high school, our English class teacher Ms. H asked us to write an essay on our future profession and present it in front of the class. I remember writing mine in my room while being surrounded by Candy magazines (will probably discuss why soon), feeling totally inspired. Since then I knew that I want to work in the publishing industry and be an editor-in-chief of a teen magazine.

I have always knew what I wanted. I have goals and plans in bullet form, timeframe and steps included. But after I quit my job as a Managing Editor, I felt like I was off the rail.

Quitting the job is probably one of the toughest decision I had to do this year. It is probably the closest thing I had to a breakup. But it was inevitable if I need to grow as a person, and I chose growth over my 'first love', so here I am now.

Still, I consider myself blessed because I have experienced so many things over a year and a month, whether it was good or bad. Those experiences made me tougher and wiser. I have also unleashed my potentials and found out my other weaknesses. It was a long and informative ride, but unfortunately, things are not as worthy anymore. I have to consider many factors and besides, I have other and bigger dreams to fulfill.

I currently live by the day, rebuilding my plans slowly. As a Communication Arts graduate, I have so many fields to choose from and that is really overwhelming. I have to admit that I am scared of trying out a new field because a). It is hard to start all over again; b). I might not be good at it. Yes, I know I sound pessimistic but I am just being real, you know?

I have surrendered to God the wheel of my life, and I know that everything happens for a reason. I am working hard to show Him that I am very much grateful of these blessings He has given me.

As the saying goes, 'when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade'. I say, enjoy the lemonade whilst you wait for the next harvest season. Who knows, life might give you grapes to be wine next time.

: Lessons Learned - Matt & Kim

fanggirling: the vampire diaries epic post

2010-10-03T23:06:00.001+08:00

Vampires.

It has been a phenomenon for two-three years (?) already and it just hit me.

My first encounter of a 'teen' vampire would be Edward Cullen, from Stephanie Meyer's Twilight saga. I remember wanting to read the book so bad because almost all of my blockmates in college were raving about it. The book was soldout, and it was realy frustrating. Julien told me that Fully Booked Gateway will be restocking so I asked her to buy it for me. Twilight is one of my early purchases using my very own money and is one of those books (if not the only book) I took the time and effort to put plastic cover on.

Due to curiosity, I immediately read the book with much expectation. I found Edward Cullen okay, and he didn't have that big of an impact to me. The only thing that I can honestly remember is that he drives fast, and I liked that. And of course, how can I forget the fact that he sparkles?

Twilight disappointed me. It could have been written differently and ended better. I did not read the three other books of the saga because of that. My brother, whom I encouraged to try reading it, was also disappointed. So I guess...

Wait. This post isn't about Twilight.

Going back, Twilight paved the way to the 21st century vampire phenomenon. There was an overwhelming reaction from everyone that everybody jumped to the bandwagon and made everything vampire-ish. Even Romeo and Juliet were not spared from this! So I really tried my best to veer away from it, because I find this phenomenon too overrated.

But of course, curiosity will linger. I tried exploring why people are so into vampires. I tried watching True Blood, an HBO vampire series, but it was too much for me! I cannot handle that show; too bad because I heard it is amazing.

And then I read about CW's new show, The Vampire Diaries. My first impression of this show is that it is just another teenage vampire shit that was created to sell out. But yea, I tried it anyway. Curiosity, when it is not given the right action, will always kill the cat.

I tried watching an episode on ETC (I thought it was only the second episode, neither did I know that it was already the fifth one) and immediately liked it. I will admit that Ian Somerhalder's hngggggg looks and body and Paul Wesley's charm played huge factors why I got hooked. So I bought a DVD of the first season, watched it and the rest, as they say, is history.

This photo is hideously photoshopped (look closely, it'll make you LOL). From L-R Matt Donovan, Bonnie Bennett, Tyler Lockwood, Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, Damon Salvatore, Jenna Gilbert, Alaric Saltzman, Jeremy Gilbert and Caroline Forbes.

The first season was outstanding. The casting director really did a good job because this cast looks so fucking good. The plot is well-written though there are some Dawson's Creek-ish moments (I will get on to this later), but all in all, it was interesting.

Before I get into the review/rant of every character, I will list down first my favorite Vampire Diaries season 1 moments:

all the scenes where Damon Salvatore was half-naked
the 1950s party, when Stefan danced with Elena (totally cute!)
when Lexi visited the Salvatores on Stefan's birthday. I hated Damon so much for killing her.
all the taunting done by Damon to Stefan
the flashbacks. I love them.
when Stefan became badass and he relapsed! I will never forget this scene and Tomi's tweet about botching a diet
Pearl, because she is a BAMF
Damon-Alaric trip to kill the tomb vampires
the season finale because it is one hell of a holy mindfuck.

Now let me elaborate how I love and hate the characters of this show.

Season 1:

1. Elena Gilbert (played by Nina Dobrev).

I don't like Elena. Like what I have said in my previous Vampire Diaries post, she is lame. She bores me and I don't see any fierceness on her (I like my fictional girls feisty). I don't hate her, I just don't like her.

Someone who is very close to my heart is just like Elena---adopted, a belle of their high school batch, has a younger brother whom she truly loves... everything but the death of her adopted parents and the vampire triangle she's into. Well... She's not an exception. She's also lame. I love you baby girl, you know who you are & I know you know how lame you are. xx

2. Stefan Salvatore (played by Paul Wesley).

Oh Stefan. The sensitive and brooding half of the Salvatore brothers. He is the nice guy, and people could not just hate him. I don't find Stefan handsome at all, but he has this charm that will attract you and will make him grow on you. And yes, he has an insane bangable body.

I honestly think that Stefan is a good boyfriend to Elena. He is someone who is worth marrying (yes, I categorize my fictional boys to marrying and non-marrying types) because he seem to be loving, caring and will be there for you forever.

I was totally excited when Stefan relapsed and went back to a human blood sucking vampire again. He was fun and badass which I found very sexy.

3. Damon Salvatore (played by Ian Somerhalder).

Because he is my favorite character and the guy I'll be hngg-ing forever, his photo is special ;)

Ian Somerhalder just recently won the Sexy Beast battle on a neck-to-neck match with Robert Pattinson. He is so fucking sexy, it hurts. And here in Vampire Diaries, he plays the malevolent Salvatore brother. Can anything be sexier than that?

Damon manipulates humans, feeds on them then kills them unconscientiously. Everybody hates him and he is never enough for people to like/love him. For instance, the girl he loved for over a hundred years (Katherine) did not love him back; instead it was Stefan whom she's always been in love with.

Damon is a fucking sex god (did I mention this already?). His gray eyes, sexy lips and hngggg sexy body leave me breathless. I swear I am willing to offer him a vein, a marrow or even my 21 years of purity (hahahahaha okaaaaayyy, TMI).

Hormones aside, Damon is my favorite because he has this deep and mysterious character I usually dig. His badassery is his defense mechanism to hide all the hurt he has inside.

The only thing I hate about Damon? His clothes. Guh they're so ugly.

4. Caroline Forbes (played by Candice Accola).

Insecure, overly dramatic and jealous---that is Caroline. She is Damon's early and probably the most favorite prey because she's kinda dumb and easily compelled. This girl is also lucky---she had encountered half-naked Damon twice!

She is one of my favorite characters because I find her real and cute. I was actually worried when she became a vampire this second season, because there is a chance that she'll be cut off (just what they did to Vicki, one of the interesting characters in early season one).

5. Matt Donovan (played by Zach Roerig).

Matt is Elena's former childhood sweetheart. Now, he is Caroline's stud boyfriend. He is totally attractive (all of the men in the cast are) and sensitive.

I hope they’ll give him more screen time because I ship him and Caroline (which I will discuss later).

6. Tyler Lockwood (played by Michael Trevino).

Tyler is a stud who has daddy and rage issues. Later on, it will be revealed that he has a werewolf gene (the curse has not yet triggered). He is totally nosy and that kind of bores me. Maybe he not having a fully-developed storyline is also a reason why I feel like he is always all over the place.

I’m actually excited for Tyler to transform into a werewolf because Michael Trevino has a sexy body. Just sayin’. ;)

7. Alaric Saltzman (played by Matt Davis).

At first, I hated Alaric because I thought he would be one of those irritating characters and was casted just to bring out the shit out of the viewers. But I was wrong. The Alaric-Damon team-up totally grew on me, and their let’s-kill-the-tomb-vampires adventures entertained me.

Alaric is also having this thing with Elena’s aunt Jenna, whom I won’t be including in this post because she is worthless, me thinks. He is the only reason why Jenna is being relevant in this whole story LOL.

The last two numbers will be dedicated to those characters I truly hate namely:

8. Jeremy Gilbert (played by Steven McQueen).

Jeremy is Elena’s brother who does nothing but sulk. I am really tired of all his woe-is-me shit. He is suicidal, emo and has an ugly haircut! Guh I hate him so much! I sort of liked him when he was with Ana, this vampire girl who was already alive with the Salvatore brothers way back in 1864, but the writers decided to kill her making Jeremy go emo again.

And puhleese, don’t mess with my Damon, k.

9. Bonnie Bennett (played by Katerina Graham).

I HATE HER. I would rather be stuck in a room with suicidal Jeremy than hear Bonnie say ‘I know how to take down a vampire, you know’ several times. That statement of hers never fails to make my eyes roll in disgust. Seriously? As if that wasn’t established enough for her to repeat it every. single. time.

You just have no idea how much I hate Bonnie, so I would totally go berserk IF just like in the books, Damon and Bonnie would be together. I’d totally be offended.

Season 2:

1. Katherine Pierce (played by Nina Dobrev).

Katherine is a selfish, manipulating bitch and the reason why the Salvatore Brothers became a vampire, why the vampire tombs were angry, etc. She is a one fierce bitch and my most favorite female character in the show. Clearly, she is a one badass motherfucker, y’all.

2x4 Memory Lane gave a glimpse of Katherine’s side of the story. Just like what I have said on my Twitter, I expected much from it---I thought the flashbacks were going to be juicier. But yea, I was contented with the whole Stefan-Katherine drama going on.

I love how they showed Katherine’s softer side---Stefan. I loved how she touched her lips every time she remembers Stefan’s kiss 146 years ago. I am looking forward to more Katherine scenes and might lose interest if the writers decide to cut her off.

2. Mason Lockwood (played by Taylor Kinney).

Mason is Tyler’s uncle and he is a werewolf. In 2x3 Bad Moon Rising, he transformed and was half-naked after. Hahahahaha!

This upcoming episode (2x5 Kill or Be Killed), Mason and the Salvatore Brothers will be having a throw down. I just wish none of them would get hurt/cut off.

***

In every show, shipping is quite inevitable. So I’m going all out with this post and share the ships I love in Vampire Diaries:

1. Matt and Caroline.

When Vampire Diaries started, it seemed that Matt and Caroline would never be together because Matt is still preoccupied with his feelings with Elena who has already moved on with Stefan. But fate brought them together and the rest is cuteness history. I think that they are meant for each other (here comes the cliché)---he is a stud, she is the It-girl. I love how Matt is so patient with Caroline in all of her insecurities.

It sucks that Caroline and Matt broke up as of last episode (2x4, Memory Lane). I am totally rooting for them. I squeed when she tried her best to calm her cravings because she loves Matt so much. Aww.

2. Stefan and Caroline.

When Caroline turned into a vampire and sucked the life out of that poor man Bonnie flirted with, Stefan was there to calm her down and show her the ropes of being a vampire. It was one of the cutest scenes of the series, and you can totally see the chemistry between Wesley and Accola!

Their previous interaction was followed by the one in 2x3 Bad Moon Rising, when Stefan accompanied Caroline to Tyler’s party. She was really cute when she teased Stefan about his facial expressions. Her lines were hilarious, and I was like ‘my thoughts exactly!’

3. Stefan and Elena.

Of course, the show’s main couple. Like what I have said earlier, I love how Stefan and Elena complement each other. My favorite Stefan-Elena scene was the one in 1x12 Unpleasantville, when Stefan danced with Elena! They were totally cute and for the first time ever, I saw Wesley’s face lighten up.

4. Stefan and Katherine.

Stefan hates Katherine and claims that he was just compelled by her meaning, he never fell in love with her. Every time he asks Katherine why she came back to Mystic Falls, she answers ‘because of you’. Can you feel the angst? Can you feel it?

Their interaction entertains me and makes me squee. I love how Stefan is all in-denial of his feelings because that is a sign that he loved and still loves her (and I know this based on experience, hahahahahaha). Katherine shows her affection in a different way, manipulating and stuff.

***

This is such an epic Vampire Diaries post that I have never ever done to any of my fandom. This is how engrossed I became with this show! I’ll end it this way, as I look forward to more amazing episodes.

: Miracles - Norwegian Recycling

bisou bisou, gossip girl

2010-09-26T22:14:00.001+08:00

Four seasons. Gossip Girl had truly come a long way.

Gossip Girl has been my second longest fandom relationship next to *Nsync. The only difference is that this series and I had a rollercoaster ride, love and hate included.

I must admit that I did not want Gossip Girl to be picked up for a fourth season because I was afraid that the more seasons they will have, the more dragging the storylines will be which later on will result to a shitload of hate and disappointment that will definitely break the hearts of its supporters.

Just to make a short recap, the third season sucked. It was full of disappointments and poor characterization---the most unforgettable ones were: that crappy betrayal of Chuck’s mom Elizabeth, Vanessa trying to bring Blair down, Rufus-Lily stupid marital problems (really, you think people still care about them?) and of course, Chuck sleeping with Jenny Humphrey (I barfed the whole time). Gossip Girl lost its wow factor.

Season 4: Belles de Jour

For the first time, Gossip Girl went overseas for their season premiere. Bonjour, Paris.

I did not watch the 4th season premiere on time; I was a week late. This is why I watched the first and second episodes consecutively, and it turned out to be a good thing. The first episode was kind of lame, did not make an impact at all. The second one, however, made up for it. It was a very good episode, so good that for the longest time, Gossip Girl made me cry again.

Serena's Summer
Credit: newsprintmudges@tumblr

As expected, Serena whored it out again in Paris. Well she is Serena van der Woodsen for chrissakes, and in the books, she was once called as Serena VD so she has all the right to harvest some French guys and STDs that would’ve been a remembrance for all the skanking she has done. And besides, that is what you get for baring her cleavage and her to-die for long legs.

Blair's Summer.
Credit: mojotastic@livejournal

Blair, on the other hand, looked so fucking precious. She is so beautiful, her clothes are so pretty (I wish I could keep them ohmygod), and she is living the life!

I was glad that for sometime Blair and Serena were acting as BFFs, you know, caring for each other, shopping together, teasing each other… stuff like that. But things got complicated when Blair met this guy named Louis at a museum; he asked her to go out with him; someone called Louis and mentioned something about Grimaldis which made Blair transform into her fangirl self. BB girl loves Grace Kelly, so she thought that her fantasies were finally coming to life.

Blair started to feel bad for herself again when Louis came out to be a pauper, and Serena’s date was the prince. She started to act bitchy and hateful again, and it was fueled when she found out that Serena’s going to Columbia. So she pushed her in the fountain.

The most heartbreaking scene of Belles de Jour was when Louis revealed that it wasn’t Jean Michel who was the real prince—it was him. He was the real Grimaldi and he thought that he could find someone who would love him for the things he likes, blah blah. I am giving a fucking A to Leighton Meester for her performance and facial reaction in this scene. It was perfect. Well in the end, Blair got nothing---no prince and no bestfriend.

After few minutes, just like any Gossip Girl episode, Blair and Serena made up, even announcing to Gossip Girl that they will be going to Columbia together.

As for the other characters: Dan apparently has a baby with Georgina and named him Milo. The baby’s a cutie. And yea, Lonely Boy is now adorable. I can’t explain why. Vanessa still wears ugly clothes. End of story. Nate is now whoring it up just like in the books but he lost control of the situation. Rufus is still fucking annoying. I hate him so much just like his daughter Jenny.

And oh, wondering what happened to Chuck Bass? He is now Henry Prince and is living with a girl named Eva, superbly played by Clemence Poesy. Will get on them later.

Season 4: Double Identity

This post was supposed to be just a review/recap/rant of the first episode only but since I watched them consecutively AND I loved this episode so much, I just had to do this.

Blair got a second chance with Prince Louis Grimaldi and she was ecstatic about it. Actually, out of all the boys Blair had fling with, Louis is a standout and probably the only one I approve. Hugo Becker as Louis Grimaldi is so fucking divine; the guy looks fucking gorgeous. He has substance compared to Lord Marcus who is a walking piece of boredom ass.

THIS IS AN OBLIGATORY HUGO BECKER HNGGGGG POST:

Hugo Becker. Doesn't he look so gorgeous?

Going back, Lily asked Serena to identify the body of a man who was found dead with Chuck’s ID. Of course, there is no way that this motherchucker would die (I will explain why later) BUT for this episode, Chuck Bass’ ways and means vanished. Seriously. Chuck in an ugly shirt and boxers to sleep? I cringe. I swear I missed his purple satin pajamas. There, I said it.

Chuck ('Henry Prince') and Eva
Credit: meesters@tumblr

He was also working in a restaurant (manual labor? I know right.) and HE DID NOT WEAR A SUIT, OR ANYTHING RIDICULOUS LIKE A PURPLE OR PINK OR GREEN ENSEMBLE. It was hard to watch him looking like a poor guy, but hey, Ed Westwick, the GQMF that he is, rocked that cane.

Eva, Chuck/Henry Prince’s girl, looks really cute. She is totally a simple beauty, with that pale face but looks really nice. Clemence Poesy is such a darling, especially the way she speaks to Henry. I was totally convinced.

I will skip other irrelevant stuff that happened in this episode. I will now concentrate on this very special scene that brought me to tears:

(Brief background: So Chuck decided to drop everything Chuck Bass and start a new life as Henry Prince with Eva. Serena knew about this and begged Blair to do something about it. Blair refused because she has to go to Louis’ parents’ ball to meet them. Just when everybody thought that she’d go to the ball, she headed to the train station to talk to Chuck.)

Blair: Just because you’re dressed poorly doesn’t mean you’re not Chuck Bass.
Chuck: Why would I want to be him?
Blair: You should’ve told me you got shot.
Chuck: I’m suprised you didn’t shoot me yourself.
Blair: I have, many times, in my dreams. The good ones. But if you were really hurt, I would want to know.
Chuck: When I woke up my ID was gone. Nobody knew who I was. Nobody was coming to look for me.
I realized I might be alive, but Chuck Bass doesn’t have to be.
Blair: Changing your name doesn’t change who you are.
Chuck: It’s a good start.
Blair: Changing your name doesn’t change who you are.
Chuck: It’s a good start. A chance to live simply, earn people’s respect, maybe become a person someone could love.
Blair: Someone did love you. And… you owe it to her, and everyone else you’re leaving behind not to run away. Which is what you’re doing. And I don’t think that great man you’re talking about wanting to be is a coward. I think he would face up to what he did.
Chuck: I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.
Blair: [takes a deep breath] I don’t love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf.
Chuck: Your world would be easier if I didn’t come back.
Blair: That’s true. But it wouldn’t be my world without you in it.

Leighton and Ed did an amazing performance in this scene. Their faces, the way they delivered the lines… ah, it was perfect. Very heart-warming. So I cried.

I used to be the biggest Chuck and Blair shipper but season three totally ruined it for me. I became sick and tired of their drama. I mean, why don’t they just live as a normal couple? Why does things have to fuck up everytime? Why is Jenny Humphrey such a whore? Ugh.

But this scene… this scene reminded me why I loved them. And I cannot explain it into words.

Chuck and Blair did not get back together after the dramatic scene, thank God. It was just the right thing to do. Actually, the whole Chuck and Blair hype is becoming this series’ biggest problem. The books where it was inspired from is about the love-hate friendship of Blair and Serena, not about Chuck and Blair. It just sucks to see that the whole plot is now revolving around them, instead of the two girls.

Anyway, going back to Chuck… he came back to his senses, wore a suit again (Ed Westwick lost weight, huh), rode a limo and said ‘I’m Chuck Bass’. He is now bringing Eva with him to New York.

FIN.

Starting next episode, everyone’s back to their homebase. Au Revoir, Paris. Hello, New York.

: Speechless - Lady Gaga

they come rarely

2010-09-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

When I was in middle school, I never got the 'friendliest kid award'. I only got the most neat, most diligent and most attentive alongside my academic awards. I am and never was a loner; I couldn't even eat at fastfood and restaurants alone. I just wasn't the friendliest in the bunch.

Then came highschool. Lots of my batchmates wrote in my memories book that I should stop being 'choosy'. Honestly, my eyes rolled in every entry that contained such phrase. Seriously guys, what's wrong in being 'choosy' with friends?

A little background: I studied in a private school where everybody knows each other. Yes, I belonged to a clique of my own but that doesn't mean that I wasn't a people person. I wouldn't be the Student Council President if I'm such, right?

I have lots of acquiantances (whom I call 'friends') but just few friends friends. Friends for me fall into three categories:

Type A: Friends whom I can share good times and bad times with. Those who have seen me put the walls down and let loose. Those who have seen the naughty, bitchy, cussing-the-world me. Those who know the details how I almost threw a Jenny Humphrey to the world, which by the way, is the most sensitive aspect of my being.

Type B: Friends whom I can share good times and some of my bad times with. They haven't seen enough of me though.

Type C: Friends whom I can share good times with and that's just it.

A lot of people in my life fall in the second category. Perhaps time, distance and personality mattered here, huh.

Type A friends come rarely. There were times that I thought I found them, but I was wrong. I guess you'll never know when they will arrive.

***

Jenn and Joanna are two of my closest, if not the closest friends I have right now. Our friendship was unexpected. See, I had this fight with a friend (but it has been resolved for a year now, and we're totally close again, like Serena-Blair, yea?) so I had to breakaway from our 'group' because it'll be bullshit if I'll stay and act as if nothing's wrong. I am already friends with Jopay and Mamang then, but I just didn't hangout with them often.

I became friends with Jenn because we were flailing then for the same OPM bands (Spongecola, Hale, Chicosci, and a lot more!) and we had the same love for UAAP (hers was Joseph Yeo, mine was Chris Tiu). And for Joanna... I cannot remember how we started to hangout together, haha. But she is one of the nicest and most caring people I know. I remember thinking that she is such a lousy student (hahaha sorry Jopay, but I already told you this!) because she was absent during our first week in college. I was the class secretary then and I needed her contact details for the class list. She always seemed dazed and confused, that is why I didn't have a good impression of her, hahaha.

Fast forward after graduation. We are still friends, still talking about our dreams, still talking about our passion. Jopay is still broke (Manny Villar-ness, yo), Mamang is still 'subersibo' and I am still conyo.

For me, the greatest thing about our friendship is our differences. We're all unlikely to become the best of friends, but we are, and that's what matters. We don't agree to each other's opinions, but we respect it. We compliment and criticize (and judge, lol) each other but we're cool. We don't see each other and talk to each other often but we know that we are still friends.

That's me, Jenn and Jopay at People are People.

Jopay and Mamang are truly my type A of friends. They know how often I have been hnggg-ing because of Ian Somerhalder. They know how naughty I am (hint: it's very Katherine-ish, I tell you). They know my dreams and the things I'd give for them. And they were with me, in that cab ride from CCP to our home. They know my sentiments, saw me cry and how I almost threw a Jenny Humphrey.

When we hangout (which is very rare), we laugh and laugh and laugh. We tease each other, make fun of each other. We can talk anything under the sun--from virtual love affairs to how animals make their offspring when they didn’t even undergo sex education---we can go on and on and on.

You know when a friendship is for keeps if it is not a high-maintenance relationship. Friendship shouldn't be a lot of work.

: The Suburbs - Arcade Fire

the rise of fall tv 2010

2010-09-08T16:12:00.001+08:00

It's September and that means my favorite shows are back with new seasons! I am totally ecstatic and kind of worried with this. Ecstatic because I get to watch them again, and kind of worried because I have not finished watching some of the shows that I have been following. Bummer.

Anyway, here are the shows that I am dying to see! /giggles

VAMPIRE DIARIES

Season 2

September 9

Returning for its second season, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES is the story of two vampire brothers obsessed with the same beautiful girl, and battling to control the fate of an entire town. During season one, Stefan (Paul Wesley, "Fallen") and Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder, "Lost"), returned to their hometown of Mystic Falls, Virginia, for very different reasons - Stefan was determined to get to know Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev, the upcoming film, "The Killing Game"), who bears a striking resemblance to Katherine Pierce, the beautiful but ruthless vampire the brothers knew and loved in 1864, while Damon was intent on releasing Katherine from the tomb where he believed she was trapped by a witch's spell all those years ago.

In season two, the appearance of the villainous Katherine in Mystic Falls will throw a wrench into the love triangle between Stefan, Elena and Damon, and the other residents of Mystic Falls must choose sides as they fall victim to a new breed of danger. New and unexpected friendships will be forged, allies will become enemies, and hearts will be broken. Stefan and Damon will be forced to face a villain more evil and diabolical than they ever believed possible.

I have yet to finish the first half of its first season! Guh. Surprisingly, I was totally hooked on it. The storyline is pretty decent, though I have to say that I don't like Elena because she's so lame. I like Stefan because of his sensitivity---keeping a journal, cooking for Elena, etc. And of course, how can I forget the sexy Damon Salvatore. I love fictional malevolent dudes.

I'd probably blog about the show's first season again after I finish it. Wish me luck!

GOSSIP GIRL

Season 4

September 13

High society and low blows are back as GOSSIP GIRL, a one-hour drama about the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite, returns for its much-anticipated Fourth Season. Season Three ended with a BANG! as a heartbroken Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) lay bleeding in the streets of Prague while Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) and a newly-single Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) jetted off to Paris for a fabulous summer abroad. Meanwhile, Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), fresh off his painful breakup with Serena, decided to take a page out of Chuck's playboy playbook just as Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) discovered he was going to have to settle down and be a father... to Georgina Sparks' (Michelle Trachtenberg) baby! Season Four will open with a radiant Serena and Blair enjoying their grand and romantic summer in Paris... until Chuck mysteriously arrives in town with a new girlfriend and a new identity! Blair swore off Chuck forever but will this changed man woo Blair into having a change of heart, or will Queen B set her sights on ruling Columbia University? And as for that baby?...

Oh, Gossip Girl. Of course I have finished watching the season months ago (I am a huge fan, that's why).

To be honest, I was bummed out when I read that Gossip Girl is up for a fourth season. I actually wanted it to end because I didn't want the story to be totally fucked up just like what Josh Schwartz did to The OC (okay, I am not yet over it). The story is slowly dragging and it sucks. This is my favorite show, and I hate seeing it falling apart on my eyes. I bet there will be more Blair-Serena bonding and then catfight later, Chuck and Blair never-ending drama (CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE THEM A BREAK DAMN IT), Nate whoring it out, etc.

The only thing that could save this show is a Dan-Blair hook-up.

Seriously.

GLEE

Season 2

September 21

Glee is a musical comedy-drama television series that airs on Fox in the United States. It focuses on a high school show choir (a modern glee club) called "New Directions", at the fictional William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.

Another series that I am not yet finished watching. The only episode that I haven't watched is the finale! So I am actually scared of searching around the net about Glee, because for the first time, I didn't want to spoil myself. But yea, I love this show! One of those rare shows my brother and I watch together.

MODERN FAMILY

Season 2

September 22

The mockumentary follows the families of Jay Pritchett (Ed O'Neill), his daughter Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen), and his son Mitchell Pritchett (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) who live in Los Angeles. Claire is a homemaker mom married to Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell); they have three children. Jay is married to a much younger Colombian woman, Gloria (Sofía Vergara), and is helping her raise her pre-teen son, Manny. Mitchell and his partner Cameron Tucker (Eric Stonestreet) have adopted a Vietnamese baby, Lily.

This show is fucking hilarious! My brother and I were watching this the other night and we totally enjoyed it! As of today, I have finished watching just a couple of episodes. I'd blog about it again after I'm done watching it.

So I guess I'll be working double time downloading all of the new episodes of the new seasons, huh?

: Spaceman - The Killers

a little confession

2010-09-01T23:13:00.001+08:00

I have a little confession to make: I am a heavy cusser. Whenever I'm angry, frustrated, surprised, amazed and even happy, I cuss. I cuss in the morning (usually happens when I wake up late), in the afternoon, in the evening. I cuss people I know and people I don't know. I cuss loud or quietly.

Cussing has been a part of my everyday living. I am not proud of it and I know that it is not proper for a lady to have such potty mouth, but I just couldn't stop it. It became a bad habit which is very hard to break.

But starting today, my friend Jenn and I decided to stop this bad habit as a sacrifice for something (or someone?) we want for Christmas. This is our way to show the universe that we are willing to take a big leap into changes.

So the covenant goes like this: no cussing in any form, even abbreviations. It should be applied in all verbal, written and typed conversations. The aim is to minimize, or if possible to eradicate, cussing in our lives. If we break this covenant and would not be able to make it until the end of the year, we won't get what we want.

Three months. Three months of no cussing. To others it may not be a tough thing to do, but for me, it really is. I know some people who tried to quit smoking but had a relapse after few days/one week, and I kinda relate to that. Cussing is my vice, people.

Just to show you how hard it is for me not to cuss, I will share this story: earlier today, I woke up because my left leg was suffering from cramps. It was really painful, and I was about to cuss the world when I remembered about this covenant, so I just bit my lip hard and asked the universe not to provoke me. And then this afternoon, I was really swamped with stuff to do which made me grumpy. As if that wasn’t enough, somebody texted me so many questions that it made my mood worse. I wanted to cuss but I can’t, so I just buried my face onto my hands. :( And I swear, at that moment, I wanted to explode and throw and smash all the things around me. I cannot express my anger; cussing could’ve been enough to make me feel better and release my frustrations. But I gotta work hard on this if I really want to have the “best” Christmas gift ever.

That people, is my first day of being cuss-free. I wonder how far could I go.

: I've Got Your Number - Passion Pit

the sexy beast that is ian somerhalder

2010-08-31T22:46:00.001+08:00

Even before the Twilight fever started, I have always thought that vampires are pretty hot and interesting. Who would not consider an (undead) being that would suck the life out of you? Okay, that might not sound correct but did you get my point? I hope so. :P

And just like every other girl, I have read the Twilight series and was fascinated why everybody likes Edward Cullen. Sure, Edward is this sparkly stud but the best thing about him (well in my opinion, that is) is that he drives fast. Just so you know, I love fast drivers.

So when the Vampire Diaries premiered on The CW, I thought it was just one of those teenybopper vampire shows that were made to cater the fantasies of those other girls whom Edward Cullen could not accommodate anymore. I have also seen the novels in Powerbooks and they do not have interesting covers. Its story, on the other hand, was not well-written according to some Vampire Diaries TV series forums that I have read.

But still, I gave it a chance. I watched an episode on ETC before I decide to download or to purchase a DVD of the series. And guess what? I loved it.

For me, the story is quite more interesting than Twilight (let me clear this first: I have only read the first book and I do not have the time to judge the other remaining books, okay. And I have been comparing the two because I haven’t read any vampire novels in the way I have read these two). I am a sucker for love triangles (HAHAHAHAHA WHAT) so I must say that it really caught my interest.

Paul Wesley as Stefan Salvatore, Nina Dobrev as Elena Gilbert and Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore

Another reason why I’m watching the show is the gorgeous and bangin’ Ian Somerhalder. I am declaring it here on my blog that Ian Somerhalder is the most gorgeous man I ever had a crush on. Aside from his pretty face and gorgeous body, he is also socially-aware (helping with the Gulf Aid, animal welfare) and has skills (he knows how to cook and he watches football). Do I need to say more?

So I have been so busy these days obsessing over him (for the record, I actually made my Twitter account public so I can send fangirl messages to him hahahahaha). When I told my brother about this new crush of mine, he told me that Ian Somerhalder was on Lost (Mark and mom’s favorite show ever) where he played as Boone Carlyle. I’m planning to watch that series soon after I finish Vampire Diaries Season 1.

Ian Somerhalder is indeed a sexy beast. As if that wasn’t obvious when you stare or watch him, he was crowned by Entertainment Weekly as the winner of their Sexy Beast Brackets Game, defeating Edward Cullen. I was totally happy, bahahaha!

I will be blogging more about him soon just like what I do for my other loves (Ed Westwick, etc) so watch out :) I will end this post with this oh-my-fucking-god-this-guy-is-bangin’ photo:

MY SPINE CANNOT HANDLE IT ANYMORE

: The Lost Get Found - Britt Nicole

afternoon vodka party

2010-08-30T22:51:00.001+08:00

So last Saturday, I had this little afternoon vodka drinking session slash Korean food-tripping with my friends Jenn, Julien and Jean. I totally had a blast because I haven’t bonded with them for a very long time. It was fun to play dress-up, take photos, dance around to the beat of Korean pop music, imagine some people (HAHAHAHA), drink vodka, watch the films we did way back in college and eat Korean food.

Some of the Korean foods and drink we feasted on were: Soju, a Korean alcohol drink which, according to Wikipedia, can be comparable to Vodka. My taste buds did not like it (just like with any other alcoholic drink) but it was fine, yea; Kimchi, a Korean vegetable dish, was kind of okay. It was sour and spicy. It was bearable; and Ramyeon, a Korean version of ramen. It was soooooo good. It was hot and spicy which is usually not my kind of thing BUT it was really tasty. I need to purchase that and make my brother taste it because I bet he will like it.

And since I am allergic to beer and some unmixed drinks (Absolut Mandarin gave me rashes /sadface), I had Vodka Cruiser that afternoon, hahaha. It was the only drink I am comfortable drinking because it does not taste like an alcoholic drink. I had Electronic Pink, and I loved it! It was really sweet and tasted like candy… actually more of a liquid cotton candy, that is.

We also had a mini-photoshoot which was so awesome. I still do not have any of the photos yet, but the place was really raw and it made the photos look great.

Before I forget, Julien had also identified my Super Junior crush whom I forgot the name (again). Here’s a photo of him though which I found via Google Images:

Credit: sup3rjunior.wordpress.com

He looks cute, bahahahaha!

There were lots of things that happened but I could not recall anymore. I am busy obsessing with someone right now whom I’m going to blog about soon, mmmkay? :)

: Oh! Forever - Brakesbrakesbrakes

worst.

2010-08-24T17:07:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, while I was browsing my Tumblr dashboard, I saw a post something about a hostage drama happening in Quirino Grandstand. All the while, I thought they were just reminiscing that hostage-taking which involved a man (whom I forgot the name) and a bus full of preschool kids. But I was wrong. It was a different hostage drama that was happening this time. It involved a former police officer and a bus full of Hong Kong nationals.

Come night, the hostage drama is still on-going and is all over the news. Then there was this man being held by Manila Police, with his kids (one of them was shirtless, I don't know why) crying over him. In my opinion, it was so dramatic and OA. They were crying and screaming “tao yan, hindi baboy” repeatedly. Later on, I was informed that he was the younger brother of the hostage-taker, Rolando Mendoza.

Rolando Mendoza was a former police officer. Surprisingly, he is one of those who are well-recognized and often awarded in his field. He, I think, was one of those best men that Philippine National Police had. Until someone filed robbery with extortion against him in the Office of the Ombudsman, making him lost his job.

In an absurd twist of fate, Mendoza decided to hostage the tourist bus so that, like all hostage-takers hope, someone could listen to their aggravations. Earlier yesterday, he agreed to release some kids, an old man, and two Filipinos who were inside the bus.

Then the drama with his brother happened. Mendoza felt agitated because as reported, he was monitoring through television what was happening outside. Gunshots were fired. Policemen and media ran from the Luneta precinct to the area near the grandstand.

There were emails, tweets and reports that are circulating around the internet that Mendoza was kind to the hostages. They said that he told them what happened, that the government did not listen to him, that he was a victim of a set-up and that he really didn't participated on robbery with extortion. He wanted someone from the media to go there so he could explain his side. Simple demands, but I don't know what the authorities did with this.

But just like any other man, once you have seen your loved ones being dragged and detained, you'd feel agitated and angry. Thus, the gunshots. But I honestly think that in this certain part of everything that transpired last night, the police did not do anything violent to his brother. His family were just overdramatic about it.

Gunshots, more gunshots as the rain became harder and the thunder became louder. After few minutes the bus driver, who is a Filipino and was handcuffed to the steering wheel, was able to release himself using a nail cutter and ran away from the bus. He was really scared and nervous, as he ran fast away while screaming “patay na lahat! Patay na lahat!”

I was sitting then in our living room, feeling very uncomfortable. I wanted to puke and I totally felt sick. Watching a hostage drama like this is NOT and will never be entertaining. I was totally stressed out but I did not want to miss anything. I crossed my fingers and still believed that the hostages were still alive inside. And for chrissakes, I was watching this on live television.

The SWAT and the rest of Manila Police started to come near the bus, as reported by journalists blow by blow. My brother and I were really pissed about it, because there should have been news blackout. I mean, don't be dumb---we're living in a technological era now, so it is safe to assume that he can hear everything that you say. So if you are going to report every single thing that the authorities do, you are just giving the hostage-taker hints of what he should do.

I feel really sorry for the policemen as they are taking ages shattering the windows and door of the bus. The sledgehammer and the piece of wood were a total fail, and also that rope they tried to tie to the door. They obviously are not prepared for this kind of incident and they clearly did not have THE equipments for it.

And to the media, the field I belong to, I am deeply disappointed. I really think that they reported too much that it made the police's job harder than it is. I think they did not responsibly cover this incident. Ethics, you guys? AND PLEASE STOP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR COVERAGE BECAUSE I HONESTLY THINK THAT YOU CONTRIBUTED IN FUCKING UP THE WHOLE SITUATION.

To the local government, where are you? Where is the Mayor of Manila? Where is the President? Isko Moreno, the Vice-Mayor of Manila was the only one speaking for Manila's local government's behalf. And the President, during his presscon, kept on smirking. It bothered me.

I still couldn't understand why didn't the government command for a news blackout. The media feasted on this whole incident. So much for being in a democratic country. It was an obvious fact that in one wrong move, Mendoza can kill his hostages so why take risk? I don't think that having a news blackout would really affect our democracy. It is for the lives of these innocent people, anyway.

It really sucks that some of the hostages were killed, but I am still thankful that there were still some who are alive. The Philippines is now a laughingstock of the world in terms of journalism and handling hostage crisis, but hey, we can learn something from this right? Let us not let this happen again. Let us make sure that we learn A LOT, if not a thing or two, so the death of the victims won't be just for nothing.

As a Filipino, I am sorry for what had happened. And I totally understand the travel ban that the Hong Kong government did. It was something that everyone anticipated anyway. But I am still proud to be a Filipino. There is more to the Philippines than a hostage drama.

And it is never correct to generalize, right?

: Basic Space - The Xx

this is senseless, really.

2010-08-19T22:00:00.002+08:00

Let's have a game with happy and sad music
When you hear the happy music, play your rhythm sticks
Or clap, just as you did before
Like this

What would you do if I held your hand and laid you down?
Would you find me overly familiar towards you?
I'd like to hold you sometime

Beneath a shower of lights, a play in the skies. We hear the roar of the bass, the screech of the hearts. It gets louder and louder and louder and louder.

Love, lust, loneliness. I succumb to your great animosity.

Let’s cut the chase.

I want to hug you and kiss you and fix you. I fucking want you.

Let's have a game with happy and sad music
When you hear the happy music, play your rhythm sticks
Or clap, just as you did before
Like this

What would you do if I held your hand and laid you down?
Would you find me overly familiar towards you?
I'd like to hold you sometime

: Sierra Leone - Mt. Eden

anticipated endings and new beginnings

2010-08-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

The eighth month of 2010 is here, and for me it promises a number of anticipated endings and new beginnings.

Endings

Letting go is a sign of strength, not weakness. I will come clean--I am not into this all letting go shit. I'd always fight for whatever I want, and made sure that by hook or by crook, I gotta do what I wanted to do.

Stubborn, I know.

But what happens when you get tired of fighting for it? You lose your desire; you lose your hope. In my case, I lost my soul. I felt like standing in front of a desert, clueless and spiritless. I didn't know what I was doing anymore. And it made every cell in my body sad.

It is like a forbidden love affair--yes, the one that your parents warned you about. The one that the book told you not to do. The one that everybody commanded 'when you encounter it, stand up and move the fuck on'.

It was consuming me. I love every single detail of him--or whatever I am talking about--and savored every moment, like a thirsty man on his last drop of water. I love him more than his mother, or his father, or whoever created him. I love him as my own, like a child, like a friend, like a lover.

If my heart was placed on top of my head, I'd definitely stay with him and watch him grow as magnificent as he wants to be. But it's not just him who is growing in the process; I was also growing.

This is the first 'break-up' I ever had in my life. The first time I cried in front of my mom, when she told me that I should 'move on and find another'. The first time I helplessly sobbed in front of my brother, asking him to help me justify that staying is the best option. The first time I begged my dad to let me give it another chance. The first time I argued with my friends to just accept my stupid decisions. The first time I trembled, bit my lip hard to fight the tears that were fogging my eyes. The first time I decided to be mature. The first time I acknowledged the fact that it is fucked up and I have to move on. The first time I had to let go.

Beginnings

I was on the brink; one move and I will lose my sanity. I'd always play the safe side, but this is the biggest risk I had so far. I had to nurse my aces very well. Life is a poker game, you know.

Having your fantasies possible on your very first 'relationship' is beyond awesome. I was one of the lucky few who experienced that and I can't be grateful enough. But just like any fantasies, they end... With reality slapping you hard on the face.

I had to recollect the remaining fragments of my enthusiastic self and fight against the thoughts of him. Sure, I still check on him from time to time. I am not forcing myself to let go in a snap. I have experienced that, and it wasn't a beautiful process. Relapse is deadly, I should know. And besides, I never wanted to forget. I am just letting go.

After 400 days of love, hardwork, frustration, fun and crap, I am letting myself to find another. One that could fulfill me again. One that could help me get what I really want. One that could bring back my soul.

Open your eyes to various possibilities. After all, love isn't the only thing that makes this world 'round.

: Shut Your Eyes - Snow Patrol

i could really use a wish right now

2010-07-24T23:06:00.003+08:00

If you are going to ask me what I really want it my life right now, I will answer you, without batting an eyelash---inner peace. I have never wanted to have inner peace in my life this bad. I am sick, tired and stressed of all that is happening. I need a breather.

I would definitely love to have a simpler and normal life (I will be telling more about this on my next posts). This is probably the reason why am I totally digging B.o.B and Hayley Williams’ Airplanes. I love how to the two got together. The lyrics of this song are also fantastic. Here are some of my favorite lines:

"I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin’ and smashin’ and crashin’
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness"

"And when you’re staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds"

"Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job, before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank"

Google for the complete lyrics and listen to the song. It’s really awesome.

Now I’ve got to hit the sheets as I had a very mentally stressful day. Sigh.

: Airplanes - B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams

the guy who made me drink coffee

2010-07-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

I’ve never been a fan of coffee. I have met a number of people who find that weird and have received questions like “how did you survive college without drinking excessive amounts of coffee?” Well people, haven’t you heard of cola?

I don’t like coffee because of its very bitter aftertaste and I don’t enjoy it. The only coffee I drink is the one being prepared by my mom. It has lots of milk making it sweet, not bitter.

So this afternoon, FLOW’s editorial team had a meeting with some Danish dudes for a possible tie-up. We met at Seattle’s Best in Greenbelt 3. The boys ordered already while my editorial assistant Joann and I went to the restroom. When we got back, the first thing I saw is this cute barista! He is totally, totally cute. From afar, I already saw that he has a very nice hair, beautiful eyebrows, gorgeous face and small hips. I went outside, whispering “Ohmygod he’s totally cute” several times to Joann.

I was still giggling when we reached our table so my officemate Ian told me that I better go there and order something. I really don’t want anything but just for the sake of interacting with that cute barista, I decided to order a drink.

I have a tendency to space-out and act stupid in front of the guy I like. It’s something that I can’t control and it is very very embarrassing. So I went to the counter and stood there like a statue. I JUST STOOD THERE. He kept on asking for my order so I felt so pressured. I tried to look for something, anything that I can order but I can’t see anything. Sounds exagge, but people, he is that guapo. I bet I looked so confused and red and I kept on biting my lips (I do that whenever I am boy-stressed) so in his friendliest manner, he asked me:

Cute Barista (CB): Hi Ma’am, do you want cold or hot drink?

Me: (in a disgustingly high-pitched manner) COLD

CB: Oh okay. (shows me their menu) You can choose from here.

Me: *ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod I can't decide* Hmmm…

CB: You can try (sorry I forgot the name. I was confused, okay) or Java Jelly

Me: Which one do you like better? :)

CB: Java Jelly :)

Me: Okay, I’ll take that. :)

Here’s another thing---I don’t like buying anything coffee-related drinks in coffee shops. I know it doesn’t make much sense but I have always thought that they are overpriced. I’d rather have strawberry milkshake. But today, I spent Php 155.00 for a drink that I don’t like! It broke my (kuripot) heart but that was the only way for me to escape that totally awkward moment. He got my name (obviously) and I was delighted that he pronounced it properly. Too bad it only took them a few seconds to prepare my drink. Bad because I wanted to stay a bit longer.

I have already texted Jenn about this and we MUST go there and pay him a visit again. Next time, I promise to never forget that they have iced tea.

:When I'm With You - Best Coast

the stars

2010-07-19T17:16:00.002+08:00

This morning, I was felt that the universe went against me. The train was really full and the aircondition unit was down. Outside, it was very sunny and windy, something that my broken umbrella cannot handle well. And then that phone call from the printer made it worse---our files had problems so they could not start the printing yet.

Meanwhile on Twitter, my friend Weng started to tweet about her horoscope. It was then that I felt the need to check with the stars and know why my week had to start this crappy. So she gave me the URL of an astrology site. The site turns out to be so magical and so awesome. My heart is still crying for joy.

The Astrological Profile

I was born on the 25th of April and that makes me a Taurean. It's really amazing how the astrological profile captured my negative and positive traits.

The Negatives

Have been known to pout a bit and become a bit self-indulgent when they don’t get their own way. Known to vacillate at length, indecision can be rife. Stubborn or overly emotional without due cause, may be slow to anger but can erupt violently. Lack of imagination and may get stuck in living in the past rather than living in the present. Overly attached to material possessions. Can sometimes be cold and detached when not getting what they want. Can be lazy and hates to be disturbed.

The Positives

Taureans can be absolutely generous of their time, love and are normally incredibly patient in whatever they undertake, Normally they will complete their tasks jobs or projects, no matter how long it will take. Affectionate, sensual and attentive they can be very sensitive to the feelings of others. Usually you will find that they are also great cooks and enjoy entertaining! Have artistic leanings and can be depended upon throughout the years either in friendship or love. They are highly tactile lovers who love to be touched. Can work for long hours to achieve their goals.

Tarot Reading

I never had the guts to try Tarot Reading, because I thought they were scary. But for some reason I knew that I had to try it this time. And it felt great. I saw the light that I was looking for. It gave me some assurance that I will be fine.

I don't want to share the results of my Tarot Reading in exact details here, but I got the Eight of Pentacles, the Knight of Cups and the World. The summary of my reading: Your very private world is about to change for the better, it's up to you to give fate a helping hand.

I'm excited.

Astro Compatibility

If my friend Joanna is online now, I bet she will die with me as we read this astro compatibility. In this application, the site uses numerology to determine you and your special someone's friendship rating, attraction rating and compatibility rating. I'm kinda eyeing two boys now, so here are the results:

Crush #1.

Ohmyyyyy. Perfect match. Do I hear wedding bells? Bahahahahahaha

Crush #2.

For some weird reasons, I am totally excited with this prediction. HAHAHAHA!
We sound like Chuck and Blair! This kind of set-up revs me up. I'm liking it.

Of course, I know that life should not be just based on the stars and on the universe. We should work our ass off and keep on praying.

: Ragoo - Kings of Leon

stripped-down

2010-07-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

It's as if I'm going back to basics.

If you are reading this post in my main blog (which I fondly call Misty), you will probably notice that my layout has drastically changed from a colorful and more of a badass layout to a very plain, straightforward with minimal colors one. I have been using the former for almost 2 years, and that greatly represented the things I have been writing in this humble blog. For starters, my former header had “love, lust, controversy, intrigues” among other things all over it. Now, it is just an image drawn by my college blockmate Karl Orit and digitally colored by another blockmate Chinky Reyes. The image was drawn on a Saturday, when we all had to go to school to pass some requirements. Everybody got bored so they started doodling stuff on the board. And that people, is supposed to be me.

So why the sudden change?

Because I’m starting another chapter in life and it is better to welcome it with a new slate. Throw away all the pretenses, the bad vibes, the bitter past. Say hello to the cheerful moments, bright sunshine and a brighter future. I also think that this one is more mature than any other layouts I had.

And yes, that will be the things that I’ll be writing in this blog.

: I'd Rather Dance with You - Kings of Convenience

oh hell yeah, world cup!

2010-07-11T22:16:00.004+08:00

One night, I went home early and was delighted because I thought I'll be able to have the remote all by myself. When suddenly, my brother claimed that he'll be the one in-charge for that night. I didn't want to have a fight (and besides, I'm trying to be the nice and unannoying sister) so I gave in. He tuned in to Balls Channel and watched FIFA Worldcup. The match was Argentina VS South Korea.

After a few minutes, I loved the game. It was awesome. Argentina beat the crap out of the South Koreans and gave a very impressive game. When I found myself screaming, shouting and jumping, I knew that I fell in love already.

So I kept track of the games. I tried to watch every match possible (if my schedule permitted me) or checked FIFA’s official Twitter for game results every morning. It was unfortunate that almost all of my friends do not watch the Worldcup, so I don’t have so many people to share my thoughts and frustrations with.

The most unforgettable game that I have watched was the quarter finals match between Argentina and Germany. See, since Argentina was the first team who blew me away in this World Cup series, I fell in love with them immediately. Well okay, especially with Gonzalo Higuain. :) They were a great team, kicked ass and they have Lionel Messi---hailed as one of the finest football players of his time. So I stayed up late, wore a white and blue striped dress (I just noticed this after the match) and screamed my lungs out for Argentina. They were my finals bet and I was totally confident that they had it in the bag.

But yea, I was wrong. Germany kicked their ass with four goals and Argentina, in my opinion, totally looked helpless. There were several off-sides and if they were considered, it should’ve been a more interesting match. I was really frustrated watching their goalkeeper Romero let those German goals in. I pulled my hair several times and shouted a lot (my mom was pissed at me because it was almost midnight already).

In addition, Germany played not as individuals but as a team. It was very obvious during that game. I watched them play once prior to this, when they defeated England. They were good, really good. They hit my soft spot already and I was secretly rooting for them. But my brother told me that the Germans were threat to my bet so I had to wish the opposite.

Surprisingly, when the Germans defeated the Argentines, I did not feel bitter at all. And that people, is very very surprising. I felt that they deserved it, so I started rooted for Germany. They were close to my heart anyway. (And okaaayyy, Lukas Podolski is a cutie.)

Germany faced Spain for the semi-finals and they lost. Spain is one hell of a team. They really play good and they really look good. It was a painful loss, but that does not end Die Mannschaft’s mission. They still had to play against Uruguay for the third place, which happened earlier today.

Die Mannschaft won. I knew they would. I was surprised not to see all the familiar faces though. Later on I was informed that most of them suffered from flu so they were not able to play (I’m suffering from flu too! What a bummer). But still they ended up winning. They deserve more than the 3rd place, but hey, you still gotta celebrate it, y/y? A jar of Nutella, anyone?

Later, Netherlands and Spain will fight for the sought-after Worldcup. I am torn. I want Netherlands to win because everybody hates them for beating Brazil (I was really happy for them though hahaha). I feel like they are the underdog in this situation. I want Spain to win because I came from a university with Spanish roots (uh-huh) and I just gotta say this people, they have the best-looking players amongst all of the national teams.

Speaking of best-looking players, this post would not be complete if I will not celebrate the beauty of the boys of the World cup? I will not spam you with too many photos of guys here simply because they are just A LOT and it will be tiring to post them one by one.

Here’s the list of the guys who are gorgeous but didn’t make it in this spam (in other words, Google them girlies. Trust me, they are worth googling!):

• Thomas Müller (Germany)
• Iker Casillas (Spain)
• Mesut Özil (Germany)
• Cesc Fàbregas (Spain)

Now on to the boys who made it to my list (in other words, my guys to die for):

4. Gonzalo Higuain (Argentina)

Date of Birth: 10 December 1987
Height: 182 cm
Shirt number: 9
Position: Forward

Ohmygod look at his scruff. His hair. And the fact that he roars everytime he goals. What a hottie.

3. Lukas Podolski (Germany)

Date of Birth: 4 June 1985
Height: 180 cm
Shirt number: 10
Position: Forward

His photo above does not justify how good looking he is (he simply looks silly here guh), so the photo below is an obligatory follow-up post to prove how cute he is:

His body is very irresistible. He has a sexy German accent. And his name. His name is so sexy. Scream it.

2. Fernando Torres (Spain)

Date of Birth: 20 March 1984
Height: 181 cm
Shirt number: 9
Position: Forward

His hair. His freckles. His body (just look at my Tumblr for more AMAZING photos of Nando, I’m trying to be professional here hahahahaha). His name. He makes you want to scream it loud. Ughhh. What an SG.

1. Yoann Gourcuff (France)

Date of Birth: 11 July 1986
Height: 185 cm
Shirt number: 8
Position: Midfielder

Like Poldi, this FIFA player profile photo of him does not justify how beautiful my Yoann is. So another obligatory follow-up post here:

OH. MY. GOD. Yoann is my current (imaginary) boyfriend, the only guy I’d probably get married to right now. He is beautiful (did I say this already?), gorgeous and perfect. Look at his eyelashes. They are killing me (that is my weakness, btw). And his hair. His body. He is so goddamn gorgeous; it makes me want to cry.

Four years. I still have four years to save my ass off and hope to be able to watch the 2014 World Cup in Brazil with my brother. I want to experience the awesomeness this game brings to the world first-hand. I believe.

: Closer - Nine Inch Nails

21 and an adult?

2010-07-10T22:21:00.002+08:00

“You are an adult when you start sacrificing.”

That was one of the most unforgettable lines Jenn shared with me over YM. I forgot who among the Arashi members said that (was it Nino? Aiba? Did I even get those names that I mentioned right?), but it really made a mark on my brain and on my heart.

I’m 21 years old yet I do not consider myself as an adult. Why? Because I don’t know what it takes to be one. Clearly, as my closest friends would agree, I have this bratty side which people often label as “immature” and a surprisingly serious side which they consider as “mature”.

Now the million dollar question is, “Is maturity equals adulthood?”

I actually do not know. But I have guesses.

Maybe adulthood doesn’t only require maturity, but also, among other things, rational thinking. I don’t think I have such. I can be very annoying and my brattiness often blurs my rationality.

In all fairness to myself, I know that this year, I had been so mature. I am even so proud of myself. I swallowed pride, frustrations and defeat. I gave my all to what is needed, with no questions asked. You just have no idea hard it is for me to feel that I would not have power over some things anymore, especially those which I easily had in a snap. Tears would start rolling down my cheeks but I brushed them all off. Because I am a big girl now, and I know I’m doing it right. I realize that I’m making other people happy. Everybody knows that that is one of the hardest things to do and I was able to manage it. The selfish me has now vanished.

Of course, I recognize the fact that I still have a long way to go to be a full-grown adult, but I’ll be fine. I know that God has better plans for me. I am letting Him take the wheel of my life from my hands and be the one to drive it.

As they say, sacrifices are indeed inevitable in our lives. Step by step, little by little, slowly but surely---I know that one day I will truly understand the purpose of this.

: Make Her Say - Kid Cudi feat. Kanye West and Common

with and without

2010-06-17T17:17:00.002+08:00

Hey,

It’s totally amazing how heartless you are. I thought that you are being such an asshole and a fucktard because nobody is giving you a chance but I was wrong. I did give you one, believed in you because I know that somewhere in that lean body of yours, there is a heart that is hiding from the world.

But no. I just wasted my time.

It was fun while my stupidity lasted. It is just unfortunate why it didn’t dawned on me too late. Now, I will never wonder why nobody loves you. You deserve it.

I have so many things to say, but I should calm myself down. Hating you consumes me. And it is not good.

: Fuck you - Lily Allen

because it’s really hard to say goodbye

2010-06-16T12:15:00.004+08:00

Almost two weeks ago, I forgot that it is not really pretty to ~~cry~~ sob in public. I forgot that I hate using the payphone because I don’t know how to use it and it is really dirty. I almost forgot how to work properly, because my whole body would not stop shaking.

That and more happened during the moment I found out that my precious phone got stolen in the MRT.

I don’t want to blog all about details because a). remembering it STILL makes me cry; b). I don’t want to put such bad memories on my blog. But it was VERY traumatic.

Now I’m currently saving my ass off to buy a phone. I’m currently using my old one (thank God it looks somehow good though it’s old). I love Globe because I was able to get the same number again though I lost all of my contacts (so if you know my number, text me and please introduce yourself).

I totally hate the fucktards who stole my phone. I know that any cash they would get from selling that will never be into good use. At first I was thinking that that guy in white might use the money for his child’s tuition fee or hospital payment, but then they are a stealing syndicate so probably they’ll use it to buy drugs. Sad.

Here’s the only photo of us together (PLEASE EXCUSE MY UGLY FACE. I totally looked fucked up.)

It’ll never be the same.

: Take a bow - Glee Cast

it’s a small world after all

2010-05-20T12:19:00.002+08:00

Fascination. Such a beautiful word, such a wonderful feeling.

There are lots of things in life that I am fascinated to. Some of which are fashion, places and yea, people.

In these past few months, I have been ‘following’ this group of high society teens. They are more than fascinating. It is better than watching Gossip Girl (who has now a very crappy storyline that makes me sick every week). They are powerful, funny, smart, sexy and very much fascinating.

I was more than happy watching them from afar, like a TV show that I am tuning in every single day. I have hated and loved the characters one way or the other. Reading through their adventures and everyday whatnots made me feel that I belong somewhere near their private, almost sparkly and dazzling circle. That was more than enough for me.

But one day, I received an email from one of the characters. I caused some “ruckus”; he was there to the rescue. We almost met. So near, yet so far.

And then I received a text message containing one of the teens’ numbers. It was overwhelming. As if one wasn’t enough, I received another number. This time, I squealed at the top of my lungs. And then we exchanged few text messages, before we personally met each other and had dinner together. To say that I had a blast is truly an understatement.

Few weeks have passed and then I was back watching from afar. First-hand experience was beyond awesome, but I should wake up to the reality that that night was once in a lifetime, something that couldn’t happen again.  

A fiction was written and it was one of the most brilliant things ever. It kept me busy, kept me awake and kept me very excited. And then one day, the fiction happened. In the sea of people, I was there, standing next to the guy I have been fancying for quite some time. He was cuter than I expected, and he looked hotter as ever when he started to drag his cigarette.

I started to hyperventilate, because it was surreal mix of fact and fantasy. The next thing I know, he was resting his head on the back of my chair and I can feel his breath on my nape. It was… beyond awesome.

I thought that was it, but no. After few minutes, I found myself in the middle of a wrestling fight for something so precious. He stood there, looking at me. It was then when I finally realized that… he was the pimp.

And then the rest are still unwritten.

: 1, 2 Step - Ciara

the election virgin no more

2010-05-11T18:21:00.002+08:00

Since my 18th birthday, I have been waiting for this day. Cheesy as it may sound, but I was really excited to exercise my right to vote.

I have waited for 4 hours because of the incredibly long lines, was exhausted because of the heat, was starving and thirsty. But it was worth it---to exercise my right to vote, especially when the PCOS Machine ate my ballot. So Philippines, I'm giving you the finger.

: Helicopter - Bloc Party | Steve Aoki Remix

the legal age of 21

2010-05-03T21:28:00.003+08:00

It’s common for people who turn 21 to party, get drunk and go crazy. I’ll be honest---I wanted to experience such celebration. I wanted to celebrate my 21st in a deserted island with few friends, enjoy the beach, go wavecrashing and do some stuff (that are still saved on a .rtf file in my laptop). You know, all that jazz.

Instead, I celebrated my 21st last April 25 with a mature, optimistic outlook in life and a bruised knee. Yes, a bruised knee---because I am not that mature enough to avoid such. :))

Living in this world for two decades and a year, I cannot thank God enough for giving me too many blessings in life. In my own little ways, I know I have achieved something in my life that I can be proud of. I have an awesome family who is always there for me no matter what. I also have trustworthy girlfriends who truly understand me and my not-that-easy-to-handle drama queendom.

One thing that I am very much proud of that I learned at this age is to set priorities. Now, I (kinda) know how to rate things by importance. I have learned not to be selfish and be patient instead. Everything will have its own right time.

Slowly, I am learning that I just couldn’t have everything all at the same time. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice even the most important or most desired thing just to make something happen. It takes a lot of courage and guts to do this; I should know.

Being 21 makes me feel different. It’s like I am expected to be more mature and in control of myself. As I cherish this age, here are some of the things that I want to do before I turn a year older:

Travel to different places, to experience new cultures
Find the thing that would make me happy and satisfied (career-related)
Study fashion
Fix everything that I have to fix (really important)
Invest on something good

So raise your martinis and hell yeah for being officially legal! :))

: Walking on a Dream – Empire of the Sun

i squee for glee

2010-04-13T12:44:00.003+08:00

It was summer of 2009, when I first watched Glee. I have downloaded its first episode and I loved it. And then I got into the workforce which unabled me to keep up with the series.

It is now summer of 2010 and only it’s just now when I started to watch the show again. I am watching the show with my brother and we love it more than we first saw the show.

1. Finn Hudson is stupid and I find it very adorable. I hate all stupid people, fictional or non-fictional. But Finn Hudson is the exception. I really find his stupidity very cute and adorable; in fact, it makes me laugh. This is probably because…

2. …Cory Monteith is so goddamn hot. Ohmygod I love him! He is freakishly tall, buff and seems to be awkward but I love it. I love him. I am very entertained by this guy’s talent and even his tweets. :)

3. I like Quinn Fabray but I don’t like Dianna Agron. This is one of the weird instances that I like the character and I hate the actress. Well, I like Quinn because she’s a bitch and I don’t like Dianna because she’s so maarte.

4. I have this love-hate relationship with Rachel Berry. Love, because she is such an awesome singer and her lines are so funny. Hate, because she can be very irritating.

5. I hate Terri Schuester because I’m totally digging Emma and Will. Don’t you just think that Emma and Will are the cutest couple? :) They make me smile.

I’ll be really busy tomorrow because we will be having an event so I have accepted the painful truth that I won’t be able to watch episode 14 on time.

So excuse me now as I stalk the Gleeks on Twitter.

: Ride Wit Me – New Directions

what the hell happened to gossip girl?

2010-04-10T22:44:00.003+08:00

For the record, Gossip Girl is my most favorite show ever. I love the show so much that I sometimes pattern my life from it (hahaha I know I sound delirious). But two seasons have passed and currently it is now on the third and I am greatly disappointed. The storyline is getting more and more fucked up; I am not amused.

1. Serena-Nate loveteam. I hate them. Serena van der Woodsen may look beautiful and Nate Archibald totally looks gorgeous, but seeing them together makes my head bleed. This ‘dumb blondes unite’ movement irritates me so much. And all they do is to makeout and have sex. I hate it.

2. Chuck Bass and his mother drama. This storyline was okay at first, because seeing Chuck Bass acting like a little boy who can’t survive without his mom looked really cute. I miss Ed Westwick’s coy smile (the last time he did this was I think in season 2). But just as expected, the GG writers will fuck up the story by bringing back Jack Bass who has evil plans for his nephew. What I hated most about the ‘twists’ they are trying to make is that scene where Chuck’s mother told him that she is not his real mom when she really is. Gossip Girl failed for me on that moment, because I thought that only happens in Philippine telenovelas. Eew.

3. Chuck and Blair’s boring relationship. What the hell happened to my favorite pair? They are not interesting anymore, and I am not happy! When Season 2 started to lose its luster, they are the only reason why I kept on watching the show. And now, they cannot redeem themselves, especially that they broke up.

4. Rufus and Lily shit. Ohmygod, they are old and they are full of drama. They suck. In season 1, they were fun to watch but now, they aren’t. They are like Dan and Serena only 738914638940675647393 times worse. C’mon, let the failboat leave the dock and never come back.

5. Gossip Girl’s unwitty lines. She used to have the wittiest lines (along with Blair) but now, even her lost luster. Her one-liners used to knock my socks off and now it makes me want to cry in disgust.

Seriously, Gossip Girl needs to bring its A-game or else it will be just one of those shows who used to be good and ended ingloriously. God forbid that it won’t have the same fate as The OC, because it will totally break my heart.

I can’t wait for the third season to be over. And I am scared what to expect on the fourth season.

: Marching Bands of Manhattan – Death Cab for Cutie

keep calm and carry on

2010-04-08T12:52:00.003+08:00

I’ve been working for almost a year and it is exhausting. Waking up in the morning, commuting, riding the packed MRT, work work work work, leaving the office, riding the packed MRT, commuting back home, have dinner, sleep = my life. I’m slowly turning into that nameless Spongebob Squarepants character. And it is not funny.

During this Holy Week, I have reflected. I totally needed that time, because I know that deep inside, I am slowly breaking into pieces. I am confused, whether to follow my heart or to follow my brain. I wanna run away from everything, hide somewhere and have a break. But I can’t. I have so many things to accomplish, so many priorities.

But then again, my family and my friends are there to fuel me every single day. They are my inspirations to keep on going, to never let anything bring me down. God is so good that He gave me a wonderful family and awesome friends. They understand me and believe in me. They make me laugh and make my day brighter.

There might be some shitty people in my life, but I will never let them affect me. I should keep calm and be a bitch. I should try my best not to give a damn. I should keep on editing the people in my life, categorizing them into ‘for keeps’ and ‘just shit’. I should stop caring about people who do not care about me, about my feelings. I should avoid snakes, as they are dangerous to one’s life.

I should also stop myself from being a responsibility freak. I should not let things get to me easily. I should maintain the boundaries between personal shit and work shit.

Hopefully I’ll find peace.

: Blitzkrieg Bop – The Ramones

how time flies

2010-04-06T12:55:00.005+08:00

Hey world, it’s April. A year ago, I was enjoying my fresh out of college life… watching television, surfing the net, writing my thoughts on my trusty journal. Now, it’s April of 2010 and I’m busy working. I can barely watch my favorite programs on TV, can barely surf my favorite websites and can barely write my thoughts (thus the lack of blog updates).

Last March 31, 2010 marked the first year anniversary of my college graduation. Oh how time flies. I used to be so busy finishing all the requirements for school. Now, I’m still being swamped by tons of things to do for work but school’s still different. I actually find that thing weird. See, I’m being paid to do all these stuff and in school, I am not. But if I will be given a chance to go back to school and do the things I used to do, I’ll probably choose school.

In school, you can always tell yourself that once you have finished all the work, you can bum your ass out on summer break. But being in the workplace is a totally different scenario. There is no summer break. There is no chance of bumming your ass out.

I miss being in school. Last week, my brother graduated from high school and it totally knocked my socks off. It was the coolest high school graduation I have attended (as if I had attended many). I miss my high school friends, the simple fun we had together. Life was simpler back then.

I actually wanna take a second degree, but I gotta save for that. I want to study Fashion Marketing, with the hopes of fulfilling my dream career in Fashion. Working in Vogue is still part of my fantasy. Who knows, I might reach my star soon.

So if you, the person who is reading my blog right now, are still in school, I will tell you what I always tell my brother: Enjoy your time. When I say ‘enjoy’, that doesn’t mean that you have to party all the time, or pose as the ‘cool kid’. That’s crap. By ‘enjoy’ I meant to do every single thing you gotta do to reach that goal. Never lose an opportunity. Regrets are worse than ghosts. They will not just haunt you at night; they will haunt you forever. Learn from your mistakes. Have fun with the people who love you and care for you. Listen to your parents’ advice. They don’t want you to have a crappy life. Stop posing as someone you are not. Be proud of who you are. Have a goal. Never let anything put you down. Kick ass. Know you can do it.

: D.A.N.C.E. - Justice

fangs up!

2010-04-05T21:03:00.006+08:00

Cobra Starship Live in Manila
March 26, 2010
Greenbelt 3 Park

It was a sunny day, and I decided to wear my deep ocean blue-colored rompers. It was the perfect outfit for that day---hip enough for the Cobra Starship gig I will be attending.

My officemate Ian used his connections so I can have 2 seats reserved for Cobra Starship’s Greenbelt 3 gig. I recall seeing the tweet about this on MTV Philippines Twitter page (months ago, I think?) and was ecstatic about this. Mark, my brother, and I love listening to their songs. In fact, in my Last.fm page, Cobra Starship has been the top artist for months (and has lately been beaten by Steve Aoki).

When I arrived at the place, there were lots (I mean LOTS) of rich tweens falling in line to get inside the tent. Because of the ‘extra-curricular activity’ I do during my pastime (this is clean fun I promise), I am pretty sure that all of the kids present during that gig came from one school.

As I was walking by and looking for the VIP area, I literally stumbled upon a familiar face. He has a wavy, sort of curly hair and was dragging a cigarette. He was taller than me and was thinner than I expected. He was also looking for the VIP area just like me.

As I came near the VIP entrance, I saw the same guy poking his head in at the entrance, begging for more tickets. He looked cuter than ever, especially now that he is trying to charm the lady as he gives her his puppy dog eyes. Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful.

Oh I forgot to say, I have a crush on this guy. :)

The lady turned to me. I said my name and she checked her guest list. 'Two seats?' she asked. 'Yes,' I firmly answered. She looked for my companion. I was alone but didn’t want to be, so I made an excuse. 'My friend just peed', I said. She told me to wait for my friend so we can just go together.

I stood outside the steel gate guarded by two grumpy guards as I waited, for no one, and was secretly panicking inside. Yesterday I asked Mark to come with me since we mutually love Cobra Starship. Unfortunately mom didn't allow him because a). He is still a kid, b). He hasn't ridden the train alone. I also asked my friend Jenn to come with me but she couldn't arrive at the park on time. Then suddenly, my former officemate Paelo texted that he is in the area and is asking if I still have ticket for the gig. I grabbed the chance and asked him to come. I needed a companion to save my ass when I flail due to Gabe Saporta's awesomeness and my crush's presence.

When Paelo arrived, the usherette immediately escorted us. I was hoping that we could get good seats so I can see Gabe upclose.

As we went down the concrete steps, I saw my crush with his friends. Familiar faces, familiar faces. The usherette stopped at the row in front of my crush's. 'B11,' she said. Damn. I'm just inches away from them.

I could hear his breathing now, as he rested his head on the back of my chair. He is conyo as expected, and was talking about conyo stuff with his friends. They were rating girls.

Ayala started playing this AVP of artists they have brought to the Philippines and got everybody's attention. The kids started to sing along with Click Five, Boys Like Girls, Sean Kingston, etc. Paelo looked ridiculous as he started to act like a grumpy grandmother. It was really funny.

Fast forward. Cobra Starship started to perform. Gabe Saporta looked awesome. The tweens created a mini-stampede, as they rushed near the stage and waved their little signs and banners. My crush's and his friends' seat were crushed by the wave of tween fangirls, so they got up and stood beside me. One of his friends looked good in person, and I looked like a gnome beside him.

Gabe Saporta looking so awesome. (Photo by Paelo Pedrajas)

Everybody was singing and screaming, as they have memorized every word of Cobra Starship's song. I stood up on my chair because I can barely see anything. I was grooving to the music, when Gabe Saporta threw his glasses towards the area where I'm standing. In a fangirl impulse, I dove down and got the glasses.

There were four of us who were interested to get the glasses. I am pretty sure that I'm older than them. I'm 20 and they are probably around 16-17. I was successful on knocking down the male kid who tried to grab the glasses on my right side. There was also a screaming tween in front of me, who was knocked off by the lanky kid beside me. So it was just the two of us---the lanky kid and me, fighting for Gabe Saporta's glasses.

He was tall and lanky. He tried to grab the glasses from me and of course, I wrestled him in my rompers. My legs were too exposed, I know, but I just couldn't give up the glasses. Never.

Gabe's glasses.

We were shouting at each other's ear, talking closely at each other's faces. Both of us didn't want to compromise.

Two songs have passed, and we were still sitting down, maintaining an awkward position. His friends told him to give it up but he refused to follow. I told him that the best thing we could do is to break the glasses in half, though it breaks my heart, just to get this over with.

Cobra Starship was playing their fourth song when we decided to stand up, still never letting go of the glasses. It lasted until the fifth song, and then finally decided to break it in half.

That's me and half of Gabe Saporta's glasses.

The whole gig was fun. Thanks to Paelo I got a Suarez's pick, which I gave to my brother as a graduation gift (cheapskate, I know).

Next time, I promise to memorize the songs by heart and not to wear rompers if possible.

: Hot Mess – Cobra Starship

from summer to smoke

2010-03-21T23:11:00.003+08:00

Hey.

It took me two days to finally start composing this letter for you. There's a huge chance that you won't be able to read this and I have no plans of giving this to you anyway so... Here I go.

When I first met you somewhere in the south, I was totally uninterested. I thought you were just one of those poorly-dressed people lurking on the streets. But when I took a second look, I saw you in a different light. And then weird things happened. It was utterly embarrassing on my part, and from then on, I bet you had an idea how I am such a crazy bitch.

Few days have passed, our paths have crossed again. Your light was brighter than ever; I loved it. And as I was dragging you down the hall, as I held your wrist tightly, our hands slipped and our fingers interlaced. The butterflies in me went wild, wilder. I grabbed my hand away to make them stop, but it just made them more uncontrollable.

Destiny played games on us and for the weirdest reason, our worlds started to revolve around each other. I went from crazy to crazier; things were just too much to handle.

From close to closer, we became. Role-playing was and is definitely the shit I'm into. For the second time in my life, I have let my guard down. It was scary but I knew I had to take the risk, with the hopes for something better.

Too bad, it didn't turn out the way it was suppose to happen. Your bright light burst and I was the sole collateral damage. My then calm aura was shattered into pieces, and no one was there to clean up the mess.

And then you've hurt me more. More and more each day. More than what I imagine you could do. More than an ordinary man's capability to hurt.

The new year came with a promise. I was cool, you were cool... Everything was falling into place. And then we grew close, closer. It was scary for me because I hate the 'history repeats itself crap', you know. But I told myself that I will never let you hurt me again, so I kept an eye on my heart as I was getting myself into the flow.

Now i must say, things are getting better more and more each day. What was missing then was the fact that we stepped too hard on the pedal, that's why we didn't enjoy the ride. We just had to take it slowly, breathe and enjoy the scenery.

As you start another chapter in your life, I wish you peace. I wont deny that I'm going to miss the fuckery that was us. The fuckery that made me feel violent and happy all at the same time. The fuckery that made me let my hair down.

I have lots of things to say but I don't know how. I have never changed. I am never good at this. Why? Because I'm scared. I'm scared of losing control even just for a moment. I have always held on tightly, especially when it comes to my feelings.

Anyway.

We run in circles, love. We run in circles. I had fun. Iwtmy.

xx

: Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers

i'm blogging about stupid games again

2010-02-27T20:13:00.003+08:00

It was one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

I actually believe that there is a certain time for certain moment. And you don't have to rush things. You don't have to experience all at once.

So I believe that something I did this week shouldn't be happening yet. For others it may not be a big deal, but for me it really is. And I did this with someone whom I secretly loathe, for he is an asshole and a player.

Games, these are just games. And I'm so stupid for playing them and more stupid for not being able to quit.

: Naive - The Kooks

buzz buzz

2010-02-25T22:41:00.003+08:00

Hello.

It's been a long time since I last updated this blog. There are lots of things going on in my life right now--some are interesting, some aren't. Oh well.

Work is still keeping me so busy. I even have work on weekends. Very unfortunate, isn't it? But I can’t say no. The responsible freak in me will never calm down if I just leave such things alone.

Fantasy life is making me happy. Really happy, actually. Jan and I are currently writing this very awesome fiction. I can’t share it to you right now because of some privacy reasons (hahahaha) but who knows, maybe someday? ;)

Hmm what else? I'm trying to complete the Gossip Girl Collector's Edition before my birthday (which is in April, by the way. Just in case you are interested to give me one. I also accept cash donations). :) I have the first four books now (thanks to myself and a couple of friends) and I’m hoping to have the others as soon as possible. It's fun reading the books; I’ve realized that the characters are really different in the series.

A very good example would be Aaron Rose, Blair’s stepbrother. I have to say that he's really awesome in the books with that dreads and herbal cigarettes. It's also amazing how he made Blair loosen up. I am honestly digging them hahaha.

And oh, today marks the most challenging day as an editorial assistant. Damn you Paelo for announcing my dilemma to the world.

Sorry for the crappy update.

I’m so sabaw I miss writing like the old times.

: DIY - Robots in Disguise

without a warning

2010-02-12T23:12:00.001+08:00

Nobody told me that this world can be this cruel.

I remember a phone conversation I had with my friend two years and few months ago. I was lying on my bed talking about the infamous “real world”.

“I don’t want to be in the real world anymore,” she replied after I told her a story about two acquaintances who took advantage of a girl---you know, making the girl fall in love so the business deal they are proposing will be signed immediately. “It is scary.”

“Really scary,” I said as if I had firsthand experience of it. “It’s a dirty, dirty, dirty world out there. You’ll never know who’s real and who’s not.” But it turns out that was an understatement.

Just like any other industry, money makes the publishing world go ‘round. It is an industry of hierarchy; an industry that puts influential and powerful people on a pedestal. They are worshipped up to the most absurd way you could think of.

The industry is blessed with creative people but is also infested by users and asskissers. This is something to expect though, because even the most ordinary wood can be a target of termites.

Day by day I am surviving this world. It is not easy; it will never be easy. It would take time for me to get used to this but I don’t want to be one of those. I want to make it in this world by being better.

Eight months and counting. Let’s see.

: Crystalised - The Xx

the truth about secrets

2010-02-05T16:51:00.002+08:00

Secrets.

Each and every one of us has their own secrets. They maybe big, little, dirty, controversial, ordinary or life-changing. But no matter what they are, by nature, they are most definitely intriguing.

Some things are kept as secrets because: a.) for our own good; b.) to protect us; c.) we just don’t deserve the truth; d.) for so many reasons I cannot enumerate anymore.

But do you think keeping secrets is really the best way to do it?

Humans have always been wanting to know the secrets around them, without thinking of its consequences. They say “truth will set you free” but I definitely disagree. Truth makes things more complicated, confusing and fucked up. It triggers one’s curiosity to ask and want for more. It drags you out of your comfort zone. Your head is clouded with questions and I hate that.

So as always, reality sucks. But it keeps us grounded. It keeps us awake. It keeps us revolve around others’ worlds, not just our own.

: Blue Light Mix - Julio V.

this is how you start the decade

2010-01-23T18:17:00.001+08:00

2010 started in the best way possible. There was love, stress, laughters and a lot more. I met a number of awesome people and we are only in the third week of the first month.

I’ll admit that earlier this month, I had thoughts of quitting one thing that I really love to do. It sucks that I have thought about this because this is what I really wanted in my whole life. Of course I know that we just cannot do what we want; we have to stuff everything in and continue with life. Maybe I was just like this because I slowly feel that I am losing my luster.

In other parts of my life, I am rocking. I am having days when I can’t just stop giggling and giggling and giggling. It is not so good for my health, because (silent) giggling gives me chestpains. Hahaha.

If only I can share this to the world.
(Hmm, I probably would. But it would take me days to write good euphemisms. Hahaha.)

PS: Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you so much. xx

: Shots - LMFAO feat. Lil Jon

9 memorable moments of 2009

2009-12-31T18:17:00.003+08:00

2009 has been such a year. It has its fair share of fun (my graduation day, having a job, etc.) and tragedy (Typhoon Ondoy, Maguindanao Massacre, economic recession). Truly, it is one of the years that I would never, ever forget because a.) this is the year that made me an adult and b.) because lots of things happened so there’s no way for me to forget it haha. And like I always do, here is a picspam of my 9 memorable moments of 2009.

1. Caleruega Retreat

2. Baccalaureate Mass

The fireworks, the signatures in my uniform, the singing and the picture taking. Oh good times.

3. Graduation Day

Graduating with honors is one of the best things that happened to me this year. Thank you Lord.

4. Having a work

I am so blessed to be working with such great and talented people.

5. Gossip Girl: Kiss on the Lips Party

6. Tagaytay Trip with officemates

7. Winning contests, yay!

I won a Republ1c shirt and DC shoes, thanks to my determination! Haha. I love it! I’m too excited to claim the prizes on January. Will post the photos once I got my hands on them.

8. Meeting my new crush (gigglezzz)

I cannot post a photo of him here in my blog because there is a chance that he could stumble upon this. :) But you’ll know more about him on my 2010 post hahaha.

9. ‘Summer and Smoke’

I never thought that this will be a major fail, but I truly learned so much from this experience.

Let us welcome 2010 full of hope and determination. Believe that 2010 will be awesome!

Happy New Year! :)

: Videophone - Beyonce feat. Lady GaGa

christmas of 2009

2009-12-24T18:10:00.002+08:00

So this is the first Christmas that I already have a job. And just like how I envisioned it, I was able to buy gifts for my family, for some of my aunts and uncles, for some of my cousins and for my best friends ever. Shopping gifts for the people who you value the most is so much fun. I swear I can shop from dusk ‘til dawn.

Our office Christmas party will be on the 28th and I hope I will have a blast. Partying with very supportive officemates can be so much fun, right? Haha.

In other news, I’ve been so busy joining online contests. :)) One contest stands out amongst all for a very simple reason---I like the guy. Such a SLW, I know. But I’m the only girl in the competition and I am definitely kicking asses.

Hmm anyway. I have to wrap this blog post because I am not yet finished wrapping the gifts and prizes for our family Christmas party tomorrow. So excuse me while I creatively wrap the gifts as I listen to Peaches and eat the pili nuts I scored from my future father-in-law‘s event that was held in Greenbelt 5 last week. Gigglezzz.

Have a great Christmas, loves! Let us all have a good and meaningful one.

xx

: 8 Days of Christmas - Destiny's Child

recurrent dream

2009-12-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

She is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous little black dress.

He is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous tuxedo.

They are seating beside each other as silence rules the whole vehicle and city lights keep on kissing the windshield.

She is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous little black dress.

He is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous tuxedo.

They are seating beside each other as silence rules the whole vehicle and city lights keep on kissing the windshield.

He is staring blankly; her hands are on her lap. He places his hand above hers and holds it tightly.

She is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous little black dress.

He is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous tuxedo.

They are seating beside each other as silence rules the whole vehicle and city lights keep on kissing the windshield.

He is staring blankly; her hands are on her lap. He places his hand above hers and holds it tightly.

She looks at him with sad eyes. He looks back, gives her a faint smile and holds her hand a little tighter.

She is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous little black dress.

He is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous tuxedo.

They are seating beside each other as silence rules the whole vehicle and city lights keep on kissing the windshield.

He is staring blankly; her hands are on her lap. He places his hand above hers and holds it tightly.

She looks at him with sad eyes. He looks back, gives her a faint smile and holds her hand a little tighter.

She looks at her lap where their hands are placed. Now their fingers are interlaced. She looks at him again and kisses him on the cheek. She rests her head on his shoulder as she slowly closes her eyes.

She is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous little black dress.

He is at the backseat of the car wearing a gorgeous tuxedo.

They are seating beside each other as silence rules the whole vehicle and city lights keep on kissing the windshield.

He is staring blankly; her hands are on her lap. He places his hand above hers and holds it tightly.

She looks at him with sad eyes. He looks back, gives her a faint smile and holds her hand a little tighter.

She looks at her lap where their hands are placed. Now their fingers are interlaced. She looks at him again and kisses him on the cheek. She rests her head on his shoulder as she slowly closes her eyes.

His eyes became sadder and sadder. He looks at her and kisses her temple. He closes his eyes as he tilts his head against hers and holds her hand even tighter.

And it went on and on again. Such a weird feeling to see yourself a. in your dreams doing some stuff you don’t even know why and b. with someone you barely even know.

: Tonight - FM Static

because these days are epic

2009-12-17T11:20:00.004+08:00

This post was long overdue, but I just had to blog it.

I will never forget November 12-14, 2009. For the first time in my life, I felt so free and independent. I was able to do what I want without giving a damn on what others will say. I just did what I know that could make me happy. I took a risk. I took a goddamned risk.

Tagaytay trip was… memorable. Here are the following reasons why (in no particular order):

1. I spent it with my dear officemates (Upper, Jan, Denice, Claudette, Ian, Paelo and Emma). It was my first pseudo-company outing, with no proper itinerary whatsoever. It was really fun.

2. I was bad ass and did what I wanted to do. FINALLY. I love you daddy for letting me do my own thing and protecting me from mom’s rage. Haha.

3. I almost drowned. This was seriously one of the most unforgettable moments in my life; I really thought I was going to die. Claudette was teaching me how to swim and she slowly brought me to the deeper side of the pool. When my toes weren’t able to touch the pool’s tiles, I panicked. Then somebody saved me.

4. I had a mini-drinking spree for the first time! I didn’t get drunk (which kind of disappointed me, haha). To summarize, Pale Pilsen > Red Horse. Rhum Coke tastes disgusting, but The Bar vodka is worse. The only drink that I liked was the Vodka Cruiser.

5. Random things: Having lunch at Leslie’s Tagaytay which turned out to be really expensive; that was the reason why we weren’t able to zipline anymore (this made me sad and frustrated). To somehow forget how expensive the lunch was, Jan, Denice, Paelo and I hungout in a nipa hut overlooking Taal Volcano. It was beautiful. And since we do not have money to spend anymore, the whole group just stayed and rested at Picnic Grove, which turned out to be the perfect location to shoot our ‘teleserye’.

Hopefully, this won’t be the last trip I’ll have with them. :)

: Telephone - Lady GaGa feat. Beyonce

this ain’t a scene from breakfast at tiffany’s.

2009-11-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

You know what your problem is, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and admit that yes, life’s a fact. People do fall in love and they do belong to one another because it’s the only chance anyone’s got at real happiness. You call yourself a ‘free spirit’, a ‘wild thing’, and you’re terrified someone’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well, guess what? You’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bound in the east by Somaliland or in the west by Tulip, Texas. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter how much you run, you’ll always run into yourself.
— Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Hi there. My name is Marice and I am 20 years old. Twenty freakin’ years old. Yes, I am old. I have lived for two decades already. But I haven’t seen much in life. I have lived inside an imaginary glass case and used to people who always tell me how fragile I am. They’ve always driven my life the way they want it to be. This is supposed to be my show, but it turns out to be that I’m just one of its audiences.

Now I am in the stage of my life where I want to break free from the glass case, smash it hard on their faces and then run away. This is my show; I want to run it and star on it. I want to know who I am and who will I become. I want to experience life as it is. I want to loosen up. I want to experience staying outside looking at the stars. I want to be smitten by life and its wonders. I want these things to happen.

But the thing is, I don’t know how. I want to do things my way this time but I don’t want to offend those who care for me too much.

Of course I am not exempting myself from the cause of this fuckery. They may be the ones who built the glass case but I was the one who let them do it. I didn’t have the guts to make it stop. I have let my fear and doubts consume me.

And I don’t know what will happen next.

: Hero - Regina Spektor

shake up your world

2009-11-02T22:29:00.002+08:00

I have said this on my blog too many times, but I will repeat it anyway. I hate change. I really hate it. I hate hate hate change.

I know for a fact that change is inevitable, but I believe that not all situations call for it.

Heart-to-heart talk in the train. Whispers. Meaningless smiles. Awkward pauses. Call for changes.

Yes, I know that I can be a brat. Yes, I know that I can be a pain in the ass. Yes, I admit that I am a crybaby. Yes, I admit that I am a crazy bitch. Yes, I know and I admit that you might be doing this to me because you care.

He wants me to make mistakes and learn from them. He wants me to experience pain because pain is good.

Excuse me for the Gossip Girl reference, but I feel like Blair Waldorf in season 3. In other words, I just don’t belong in this place I am in. I am the (pretty) odd one.

I know that I have to grow up, because I am already 20 years old. I should stand on my own, have decisions, etc. But I can’t do that in a snap. I really hate it when people expect me to grow up instantly.

The hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you are not.

I am not sure if I am ready for this.

But I am trying. I am trying real hard because I care. You just don’t know how hard it is for me to go out of my comfort zone. So please stop treating me as if my life is too abnormal.

I truly miss my friends (particularly Joanna, Fresh and Jenn), the “crowd” where I feel I belong. Why is it when I’m with them, I feel genuinely happy wen I laugh? Is it because they love me despite my Sunshine Barbie-ness?

You’ve caused too much damage on me. I have started to question my values, my beliefs and my self. I have thought of doing crazy things too, just to save myself from being ostracized. I have killed too much people in my mind; sometimes I feel guilty but on second thought, I don’t. I am so fucked up. But I know that I am better than this.

Now I just pray things will work out for the better.

: Bad Kids - Black Lips

forty-third.

2009-10-31T22:30:00.004+08:00

The forty-second week of this year sucked, but the forty-third was great. It was exactly what I needed.

We* went back to square one as we try to bring things back to “normal” (meaning thou shall just only talk to each other in case of emergency). Once in a blue moon, we tell jokes to each other. But I am not complaining. I just feel sad and... clueless. As always, I am left with unanswered questions. Why did this happen? Did I do anything that made you feel bad? I know you are such an asshole and a jerk, but why do you have to be such a bitch to me and only me? You are ostracizing me, goddammit.

If only I can say these out loud.

In other news, I attended PFW last Thursday (10.22)! Thank God for media passes (one of the reasons why I love love love this job!).

NYFW, I'll be visiting you soon.

Last Friday (10.23), we (Bitoy, Upper, Paelo, Jan and I) went to Tumana for a relief drive. It was fun and very fulfilling, especially when you see the faces of the kids. We gave them notebooks, papers and pencils. Oh I love them! I was wearing a blue long-sleeved top with a flower brooch tucked in my denim shorts; everybody thought it was so Gossip Girl. :P

After the relief, we went to Denice's house in Marikina. She got lots of crazy headbands! I was Flower Power, haha.

(This was supposed to be the part where I insert a picture, but since Mr. Pedrajas has not yet uploaded them, let's leave it as it is.)

We stayed there for a while then headed to Cubao X. I bought tons of Vogue magazines for an incredibly cheap price! I was so happy though they were really, really heavy. I officially love Cubao X now!

I wanted to stay longer, but I had a bitchfight to attend.

Ugh, my life.

: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

forty-second.

2009-10-26T17:55:00.004+08:00

The forty-second week of this year is very unforgettable. It was a rollercoaster ride; I can even write a short novel about it. There were so many things that had happened though there were only few people involved.

He called me babe, said the ‘3 words, 8 letters’ then fucked me over.

And I don’t know how that happened. It was quick; it was faster than a speed of light. Perhaps he was not really the one I thought he would be. Or maybe… he was not able to reach my expectations.

Then the past became the present and the basis of my future.

The guy who changed my life came back, not with a vengeance but with a new perspective. I missed him so much. We were happy and mature now. We were talking about life after school and he was even giving me advice about love. Strange, I know. I never thought that we will reach this stage. For a second I thought this was a sign that the apocalypse is coming, but no. It was a breath of fresh air. I felt so blissful even though we were just staring at each other. I seriously needed that moment. I needed to see his smile, to hear his laughter and to be with him. I needed him to keep me going.

I never wanted that day to end. I wanted to stay by his side forever.

It sucks, I know. After everything that had happened, it is still him whom I find refuge from. We understand each other so much that it makes me so happy. My Council of True Friends may think that I am doing the most ridiculous thing ever and/or I have never learned from my past, but hey, I can’t help but fall all over again with this guy. He is my ultimate picker-upper. He is and will forever be my Chuck Bass.

This was also the week when I realized that I wanted to run away from everything. My dreams are slowly being shattered by the real world’s fuckery. I never thought things will be like this. I never thought that the thing that makes me keep going, the thing that I dreamed of all my life will suck all the hope I have for myself.

This is way too frustrating. But yes, I have to keep going. Just like what I tell all of my friends.

: Blender - The Pretty Reckless

it sucks, i know.

2009-10-10T22:50:00.003+08:00

It’s been almost a month since I last updated my blog. I’ve been too lazy, busy and preoccupied for the past few days.

Here I compiled the scribbles on my notebook, sentiments that I typed on my phone and some random thoughts that popped in my head while I was typing these stuff below. I need to breathe. I need to clean my slate.

Lovegames

I was never into sports. My easily-bruised body is too fragile for that. But if you consider dancing as a sport, please call me sporty.

I was never into sports but I love games. Scheming, plotting and mindfucking games are my favorite. It gives me a different kind of adrenaline rush. I love how it makes me think and imagine. I love how it gives me power to mentally torture other people. Ugh, pleasure.

Lovegames seem to be dangerous but it is exciting.

Digging my own grave

I am digging my own grave.

Now I understand why drug addicts still smoke pot though it is a known fact that it can kill you and it’s never easy to quit.

This act is something which I will unlikely do. This is very compulsive, irrational in some ways and very much stupid.

This is bad. I’m hooked.

Twenty-one

For my 21st birthday, I want to do something rebellious. The itinerary, my dear readers, is outstanding.

(500) Days of Summer

One of the best movies I've watched. I'm planning to make a review of this movie soon.

Lalalalala

1. I miss talking to my brother. I love it how he listens to all my stupid rants and ideas. I love it how he treats me like a little girl. I love it how he acts like my older brother.
2. My life sucks.
3. My love life sucks. Again.
4. I am starting to write the story of my life. Haha. It is pretty exciting, btw.
5. I feel devastated that something I have wanted my whole life is slowly dying and I cannot do anything to keep the fire burning. I want this so bad but… but… is this the time to let go?

I don’t know how to blog anymore. I’m so boring now.

: Us - Regina Spektor

oh hello there, season 3

2009-09-15T15:42:00.002+08:00

Gossip Girl season 3 finally premiered in the US. Though I have an idea what to expect, I still feel nervous to watch the third season of my most favorite show ever. So here’s a list of the things that will be happening this season:

1. The Non-judging Breakfast Club and the Brooklynites are going to college. Blair, Dan and Vanessa the troll are going to NYU (I approve of the Blair-Dan thing; I find it cute, haha. On the other hand, why does the troll go to school now? Eew) . Serena is off to Brown (but I doubt that she will, since Stephanie Savage and Josh Schwartz said in an interview that they will keep them all in NYC). Georgina will make Blair’s life in NYU crazy as she becomes her roommate (why does Blair Waldorf have a roommate?) Nate will be studying in Columbia (make him the hottie that he really is, just like in the books!) Chuck will now manage the Bass Industries (hope he won’t be stuck with office drama. That is so not Chuck Bass).

This whole college thing is making me feel nervous but excited at the same time. It’s a whole new environment; I will definitely miss Constance and St. Jude’s.

2. Jenny Humphrey is the new queen bee. Jenny will be the one serving us all the high school drama now. Hmm, I don’t think I’ll be entertained much by her.

3. Chuck and Blair so perfectly together. I love the two of them, in fact I ship them. But I am nervous with all this “in a relationship” status. My greatest fear is for them to be cheesy (like Dan and Serena) and lose all those scheming and plotting.

4. Cheesy guest stars: Hillary Duff as Olivia (Dan’s new love interest who turns out to be a movie star), Joanna Garcia as Bree (Nate’s mysterious date) and Tyra Banks as someone they haven’t released the name yet (though her character will cross paths with Serena and Olivia). Give them spice for chrissakes, GG writers.

5. The new loveteams: Serena and Carter, Nate and Bree, Dan and Olivia. Serena hooking up with Carter is so pre-boarding school Serena. Hope they’ll bring that back. Exciting! On the other hand, I do not really have to worry with the latter since they will be just existing in a number of episodes. But I think they’ll be lame.

6. Same sex kiss featuring Chuck Bass. This is an ultimate OMG moment. But wait until you know the purpose of the kiss. Dear Chuck did this for Blair. Aww, isn’t that sweet?

7. Rufus and Lily getting married. They will be allotting an episode for this. Eew. Can they just get over this in a snap?

8. Vanessa the troll and Scott (Dan and Serena’s half-brother) hooking up. I really don’t care. But I approve if she’ll hook up with Rufus. YES.

9. Jenny’s trashy look continues. Aww. I miss those times when Jenny Humphrey was this cute girl. Now she looks like a hooker. Why Taylor, why?

10. Chuck Bass will be stuck wearing suits and more suits than ever. Okaaaay, this is totally unrelated to the whole GG plot but I still can’t get over this news.

Yesterday, I checked my inbox and two new tattoos of Ed Westwick greeted me good morning. They were so ugly that upon seeing them, I instantly had a fever. Seriously.

I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

I will be watching episode one tonight with the hopes that the GG writers did not fuck up the storylines. Please, make us love you.

: Waters of March - Anya Marina

ring the alarm

2009-09-12T17:16:00.003+08:00

It makes me feel so frustrated when I wanted something, gave it my all, yet nothing happened. See, I really like this guy. He looks so ~~cute~~ gwapo, charming… kinda like a Nate Archibald to me. But things just don’t work properly. We don’t have sparks. :(

Let me expound on that. By sparks, I mean chemistry. By chemistry, I mean rapport. By rapport, I mean laughter and knowledge shared. I need and want witty conversations. I wish for someone who will make me raise an eyebrow not because I am irritated but because I am impressed.

Unfortunately, that is what we are lacking. Well, we go along together but we can’t even make our conversation last for a minute. It is so frustrating. He made me laugh once. ONCE. We always have those “silent moments” though (see: “Summer and Smoke”, September 2009). A friend told me that silent moments are precious, because both of you are just enjoying each other’s presence. But I am not buying that. Instead of making me feel giddy, it made me think that maybe he hates me or he just doesn’t like me because I’m “such a good girl”.

The latest incident which made me think that we are so lame together happened last week, when he started to talk about some “trashy” things. It was devastating. I was disgusted. That was something unexpected.

Yes, I know it’s normal for boys to talk about those kinds of stuff, but it was my first time to encounter a male specie talking about that in my face. I felt offended and exploited. I was not amused.

Is this a sign for me to give up? Whatever the answer, I honestly won’t care. I’ll keep on liking him and hating him anyway.

Moral of the story: Physical attraction isn’t enough.

Update: I want to go back to those days when he didn’t mean much to me. I hate being attached to people whom I don’t have any assurance that they’ll love me back. I need to grow up.

Looks like I’ll be blogging more about this.

: Cornerstone - Arctic Monkeys

a playlist story

2009-09-06T19:30:00.003+08:00

Every morning on my way to the office, I always make it a point to listen to two songs---Sex on Fire and Use Somebody, both by Kings of Leon---for no particular reason.

One day, I was sitting beside this old maid-looking lady who kept on peeking on my phone. See, I am currently using E63; its screen is quite large and the song title in the music player is in bold. She kept on looking at the screen of my phone then at my face then back at the screen again. So I looked her straight into her face. It was only then I noticed that she had a “WTF are you listening to, young lady?” look in her face. It was funny. She was also listening to something, so I peeked into her phone too. It surprised me.

The old maid-looking lady was listening to Christian songs. I honestly do not know how to react, because based on her playlist, she’s not totally digging my kind of music (or at least their titles). So I just gave her my sweetest look, which involves some tilting of the head and pa-cute smile. Something like this:

And for her to be at peace until we arrive in the MRT station, I just changed “Sex on Fire” to “Good Girls Go Bad”. But I wasn't sure if that made her feel better.

: Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon

summer and smoke

2009-08-16T19:23:00.003+08:00

It was a familiar sight to her.

She always waited for the day when her prayers will be answered. She wanted change, and she got it in the most unexpected manner. From then on, she told herself that she will live with it and claim it as her own.

He was the change she hoped for. Cheesy as it may sound but this is for real. Honestly, he was more than what she wished for. And for the first time ever, that fact did not bother her.

She knew he was special. He is an undeniably gorgeous gentleman. He made her feel good. Real good.

If you will ask her to tell you one of her most favorite moments with him, she’ll probably tell you about the night when they accidentally held hands. It made her nervous but not uncomfortable. It was quite embarrassing but it made her smile every time.

Was she smitten by him? She doesn’t really know. But she knows for a fact that she wants to see him and talk to him whenever possible. “Alas,” she told herself. It’s been a long time since she last felt that way.

Weeks have passed until they met again. But this time, things were different.

He was having a smoke in the balcony; she was sitting there resting from exhaustion. The silence was very awkward; it was killing her. He looked at her; she looked at him. Still no words spoken.

Then it dawned on her.

He can make her smile, but he can’t make her laugh. He has no idea in what she’s passionate about. He can’t even relate to her fantasies. Their conversations cannot even last for a minute.

But of course, those things do not erase the fact that he is really nice, caring and sweet. Maybe because he always felt that he is responsible for her… that he has to remind her things she should and should not do.

Maybe they have (or had) sparks, but she wanted fireworks.

She is me.

: Go Out and Love Someone - Pogo