So let me tell you a story about a boy that I really liked. I used the term 'like' because I don't know if I really loved him (just like what my friends said). Love is such a strong word and feeling and I don't know if I have already been in love. A friend told me that when you're in love, you'll just know. So since I am not sure with what I felt, I guess I couldn't call it love?
We started as enemies. I hated him so much because he always contradicts what I say. He hates everything that I like and loves everything that I hate. We spent hours arguing over something stupid and shallow, but to be honest I enjoyed every single moment of it.
We had undeniable chemistry. It's something that everyone noticed, except for the two of us, I think. You can never fake chemistry because if it won't work, it just won't. But what we had was special. If we were celebrities, we could make millions of cash by doing cutesy movies. We had what it takes.
Everything changed when we realized that everyone was speculating that something's going on between the two of us. It was weird and it didn't feel right, especially when we were caught off-guard by all of this. We felt conscious so we had to avoid each other. This made us grow apart.
The turning point (and the reason why I started to hate him) was when he gave me an ultimatum. That was the moment I realized that he was such an asshole and he didn't deserve my time and attention. It was heartbreaking. He gave me a deadline to tell him what I felt for him. He wanted me to make the first move because he said, albeit indirectly, that he never does the first move. Girls run after him. Girls beg for his love and attention. Girls submit themselves to him and all he does is to approve. It was a make it or break it situation. When I got mad at him and totally ignored his deadline, we ended up not talking to each other for a year and he then hooked up with some chick.
I thought it was over, the thing between the two of us. But then a couple of years after, we found ourselves communicating with each other again. I remember him walking me to the shuttle station after he bought me some stuff because I won against him in a little bet we had. We were cool and we were friends again.
A few weeks after, I heard the news that he broke up with his girlfriend, the same girl who he hooked up with because I ignored his deadline. It was shocking, I must say, since I know that the girl gave her everything to make the relationship work. I used to hate her so much but I think she just did what every other girl who is in love would do---stick to her man.
Days after the news broke out, he sent me a message asking me what are my plans for my birthday. I told him I don't have any plans, and I would pretty much spend the whole day at home like always. He told me that we should hangout the day before my birthday so we could have a little pre-birthday bash. He wanted to take me to a spa then we'll have dinner and then he's going to buy me a birthday gift. At first I thought it was funny because I have never thought of going to a spa with a guy friend. But then I thought, why not try it anyway?
So we were kind of set for the pre-birthday celebration when he cancelled on me few days before. He said that something important had come up and he really just needs to attend to it. Of course I said 'okay'. Of course I understood. I haven't asked my mom for a permission too so it's cool.
But then comes out the truth---he cancelled on me because he just got a new girlfriend few days after we have planned everything and few days before the bash. I honestly felt stupid when he cancelled on me. He should have told me the truth, I still would understand it anyway. But no. He didn't. Maybe this is also because of the fact that even if we're close, we never talked about each other's relationships and love life. It was a topic we never talked about. I don't know why.
It was also the second time he cancelled and lied to me because of his girlfriend. The first one is when he told me that he couldn't make it to this pre-planned thing we agreed on because he had to attend a family affair. As usual I said 'okay' but then I found out from other people that he couldn't make it because he had to make up to his girlfriend.
Until now, I still don't know why he lied. Maybe because he didn't want me to know he has a girlfriend? Is it because he had always treated me as one of his reserve troops and when shit happens he could just go to me since 'I'm always there'?
I have never talked about this boy publicly and I haven't thought about him for a long time too. It actually freaked me out when I dreamt about him. I just... I don't want to do anything with him anymore.
: Love is a Laserquest - Arctic Monkeys
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