Struck

After reading Gossip Girl Book 13, I had been an emotional mess. The book struck a nerve in me and I just couldn't shrug it off. Maybe you are wondering how a chick lit book is affecting me this much, so here is an explanation I came up with:

Gossip Girl I Will Always Love You is not just an ordinary Gossip Girl book; I think it is the most special. It talked about life in general and not those petty things the previous books showcased. It was actually a good thing because this is the characters' lives after highschool and their lives in college as they traversed themselves into the real world.

I cannot remember if I had been so emotional in the other books, but this one made me bawl like a baby, especially the last few chapters. Those were about getting out of your comfort zone and asking what you really want in life. Those were about weighing all your options and rethinking every aspect of your life. Those were about loosening it up and not being scared. Those chapters struck every single nerve in my body and in my personal life.

I'm always scared. Scared about everything. I remember one of those psychological questions my classmates in elementary used to ask. My result always said that I'm generally scared and anxious about everything, especially the future. So how can I loosen up and go out there to reach my dreams, to get what I want if I'm forever scared?

My anxiety level went incredibly up after realizing all of these. It was insane. I have never been that anxious for a year (the last time I felt this way was in senior year in college before our retreat). I hate myself for being so scared, but I feel like I couldn't do anything about it.

Everything just sucks.


: Sorrow - The National